


I Crave the Stain of Almost Too Much Love

by whispered_story



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Community: spn_j2_bigbang, First Time, Fluff, M/M, Supernatural and J2 Big Bang Challenge 2009, brief Jensen/OMC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 18:06:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4756007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whispered_story/pseuds/whispered_story
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Classes he enjoys, a job where he gets free coffee and cookies, and finding friends in Chad and Sophia - college life starts perfectly for Jared. And then there's Jensen. After seeing him in the hallway on his first day at school, Jared can't get him out of his mind, and the friendship that forms between them quickly turns into something more. It seems like it's too good to be true, and maybe it is, because Jared can't stop wondering exactly how serious Jensen is about their relationship. [repost, first posted 4/8/2009]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jared meets Jensen on his very first day at college. Well, semi-meets him at least, given that he suspects Jensen doesn't even become aware of his existence that day. 

He's trying to unlock the door to his new dorm and he quickly concludes he got the short end of the deal, room-wise, because no matter how much Jared wiggles and twists the key around, the door remains shut. 

Things have been going way too smoothly up until now anyway, he thinks. His mother only cried a little when she hugged him one last time, reminding him yet _again_ to call her and to eat enough and be safe; Megan’s constant chatter on the ride to Austin was less annoying than usual, probably because he knew he wouldn’t see her every day anymore; the goodbye scene was minimally embarrassing, just a couple more extra hugs and sniffles, both from his mom; and he hasn’t run over a single person yet. He does that sometimes, his feet not keeping up with the rest of his body. Unfortunately, he's also tall and broad enough to actually knock people right onto their ass. He's been the reason for a few bruised hips and scraped knees. So, all things considered, college has started off fairly well, and minor complications like a stuck lock are nothing that can bring Jared down from his high of finally getting away from home, starting a new chapter of his life. 

He's considering knocking, praying his new roommate has already arrived, when loud laughter and hollering makes him look up. 

There are two guys standing just a few doors down the corridor, one of them waving like a maniac.

"Jensen!" the guy exclaims. 

The other one, tall and dark haired, looking like he belongs on a catwalk, grins widely as a third guy, presumably Jensen, approaches them. And if Jared thought the dark-haired guy looked good, then there are no words to describe Jensen. Tall, broad shoulders and features that make Jared wonder if they're just as perfect from up close as they look from afar. 

He watches them hug, sucking in a deep breath, his hand still fiddling with his key absently. Jared has probably never seen a better-looking guy in his life and he can't help but stare unabashedly.

"Jensen, man!" the first guy says again when they part, his voice full of excitement. Jared can't make out the rest of their words, other students' chatter drowning out their voices, but all three guys have matching grins on their faces. 

_Fucking Christ,_ Jared thinks and feels his stomach twist a little as he watches them, watches _Jensen_.

"Jensen," he repeats softly to himself, just to hear what it sounds like coming from his own lips. 

He wants to go over to him and find out what the color of Jensen's eyes are, what it would feel like to have his body pressed closed to his, what Jensen smells like and how he takes his coffee after a long night of sex. And damn, wouldn't he just give about anything to actually find these things out for real.

A soft click shakes Jared out of his thoughts and he looks down to find the door open. 

Stealing one last glance at the three guys down the hall, he lifts his duffle bag over his shoulder and steps into his room.

 

*

 

Jared doesn't believe in love at first sight. He's the first to admit that he's a romantic at heart, has all these foolish notions about love and making a life with someone, but he's never doubted that these things need time. There's something about Jensen that he can't shake off, though, something that has him transfixed and itching to see him again and actually get to know him.

He tries hard to get his mind off him, however, putting his clothes away and stacking his favorite books on the small shelf over his desk. Being this gone over someone you don't know is pathetic. He's not going to bump into Jensen in a perfect moment of coincidence and have Jensen look up and fall madly in love with him; these things only happen in movies. 

He's deep in a fantasy of what it would be like if things did happen just like that, and at least the bumping into Jensen part seems pretty likely given that Jared is, well, Jared, when the door flies open and a guy barges in. He drops a suitcase onto the floor and grins widely, walking over.

"Roommate!" he exclaims and slaps Jared on the shoulder. For a small guy, at least in comparison to Jared, he sure has a strong slap and Jared tries to hide his wince. "I'm Chad."

"Jared," he answers and even if his shoulder stings a little, Chad's grin seems infectious.

"Nice to meet ya, man. You and me, we'll have a fucking blast together this year," Chad says conversationally. "It's gonna be awesome."

Jared blinks and nods, his eyes following Chad as he throws himself onto the empty bed and jumps around a little, testing the mattress. 

After hearing Jeff's horrid roommate stories, he spent the last weeks running through all kinds of possibilities, from jock to nerd to psychotic serial killer. Nothing prepared him for someone like Chad, though. 

"The chicks are gonna love us. I saw the hottest girl ever outside and she was totally checking me out, man." There's a sleazy leer on Chad's face, and Jared would laugh if he didn't suddenly feel his stomach clench with nerves.

He rubs his neck and feels heat spread across his cheeks. He promised himself he'd be honest, not hide his sexuality in college. He just hadn't thought it would come up right on the first day. If nothing else, he tells himself, it's still early enough to get a different roommate if the guy turns out to be a complete asshole. 

"Uh," he starts, and clears his throat. He prays he sounds casual, because if he doesn’t make a big deal out of being gay maybe Chad won't either. "I don't exactly, you know, go for girls."

Chad looks surprised, silent for a moment and then cocks his head to the side. "Really? You don't look gay." 

Inwardly, Jared rolls his eyes. He's pretty sure Chad isn't trying to insult him, at least he gives him the benefit of the doubt, but he can't help feeling annoyed anyway. It's something he'll probably hear many more times in his life and he's already sick of it. Sick of people judging him, assuming him to be a certain way just because he likes guys. 

Before he can say anything though, Chad grins widely, looking delighted. "Well, more for me then. Plus, girls totally dig the whole gay thing, you'll be the best wing man _ever_. I knew college would be the best time of my freaking life, dude!"

Jared feels something inside him unravel. If the thing with Jensen was love at first sight, with Chad it's best friends at second sight.

 

*

 

Jared sees Jensen around regularly enough to assume he must live somewhere down the hall from him. More often than not, one or both of the other two guys are with him, laughing and shoving each other. Twice he sees Jensen with his arm around a pretty, dark haired girl and Jared's stomach twists painfully. 

Jared isn't shy, but he's never known how to approach a guy. Mostly because Jared has never done it before, never had the opportunity. Things with his ex-boyfriend just sort of happened, Jared finding out he was gay by accident and both of them curious what it would be like to be with someone. Apart from that, Jared hasn't really met anyone he was attracted to enough to risk flirting with them. People in high school don't exactly out themselves, and if such a thing as a gaydar really does exist, then Jared, unfortunately, was born without one. 

So Jared keeps watching Jensen from afar. He's pretty sure he's being more than obvious, but neither Jensen nor his friends ever seem to notice him. Part of him is relieved, the other, the less rational part feels slightly hurt. Jared is tall and not too bad looking and, really, Jensen could at least look at him once. If not in the _that guy is hot way_ , then at least in the _that guy is a giant_ way in which people usually look at him.

"Which one?" Chad asks one day, bumping his shoulder against Jared as they walk down the hallway.

"Huh?" Jared asks and tears his eyes away from Jensen, who's coming their way with a group of friends. There's no laughing this time, instead they all seem to be immersed in a deep discussion, not even sparing glances at anyone around them. 

"Which one of those are you drooling over? I just want to know if your taste in men is as horrible as your taste in clothes," Chad elaborates.

"My taste in clothes is just fine." Jared shoots a glare at Chad.

Chad cackles loudly. "Whatever, dude. Pink shirts, is all I'm saying. So you gonna answer my question?"

Jared sighs and considers denying everything. Unfortunately, Chad may look and behave like an idiot but he really isn't. "The one on the right," he admits and flushes.

"Good. I don't have to get your head checked in that case," Chad replies. "The guy's hot."

Jared stares at Chad, knows his eyes are probably comically wide.

Chad frowns and shrugs. "What? Just because I'm into the ladies doesn't mean I don't have eyes. Jesus, you gay guys are so ignorant sometimes."

When they pass Jensen and his friends a second later, Chad wiggles his eyebrows at Jared and laughs. "On the other hand, the guy is prettier than most girls here. You sure you're into _men_ , Jared?"

Jared rolls his eyes. "Whatever," he grumbles and cranes his head back, relieved when he finds nobody seems to have heard Chad. "Asshole."

"So, what's your plan?" Chad continues, ignoring Jared's insult.

"Plan?" Jared repeats. Sometimes he wonders if Chad just skips over parts of dialogues in his head and expects people to follow him anyway. It would explain why Jared feels like they're not actually part of the same conversation sometimes.

"Gonna ask him out? Or do two guys skip the whole wooing thing and just get right down to business?"

"Fuck you." Jared punches Chad's arm. It's way better than admitting that he really doesn't have a clue either. He hopes he doesn't really have to woo anyone, because there's no way Jared's going to be good at that. "I don't even know if he's gay."

"What did I tell you, dude? He's prettier than most girls here."

"That doesn't make him gay," Jared argues loudly and blushes when a guy turns to look at them, before lowering his voice. "And I saw him with this girl a few times."

"Doing what?"

"Talking? And he had his arm around her." 

Chad looks at him like he's stupid and then sighs long and suffering. "You have female friends, don't you? Doesn't make you straight either."

"They looked pretty close, though." Jared pulls out his keys and unlocks the door. The stupid lock is still stuck and it takes him a few tries before the door finally clicks open. They really need to get that fixed one of these days.

"How do you ever get laid?" Chad says, his voice disbelieving as he throws himself onto his bed.

Jared sighs and sits down on his own bed. He stares onto the floor, contemplating Chad's words. "Even if he were gay," he eventually says, "that doesn't mean he'd want me."

"Wuss," Chad mutters, and Jared glares at him. When Chad starts laughing, Jared grabs a pillow and hurdles it at him. Chad throws it back full force, hitting Jared in the face.

Ten minutes later they're standing in the middle of their room, pillows flying, arms flailing and laughter filling the room. One of the pillows rips and feathers spill over them and twirl around in the air. 

Jared can't remember the last time he laughed that hard and when someone starts pounding on the wall next door, Chad and he collapse onto the floor in a heap and just laugh harder. 

There are feathers stuck everywhere for the next weeks.

 

*

 

Three weeks into the semester, Jared decides that maybe he needs a job. Or, rather, that he definitely needs a job. He's not starving or broke thanks to the money he's saved over the last couple of years, but he planned on buying a car with that money and if he doesn't have some sort of income soon, the car’s definitely not going to happen. As it is, he's not going to be able to afford anything but the crappiest car ever anyway.

"You're serious?" Chad looks at him, incredulous. 

"Do you have any idea how much money we've spent in the last weeks?" Jared frowns and flips through the newspaper he bought. "I need money."

"You could stop eating every five minutes," Chad suggests and ducks when Jared throws a pen his way.

"Shut up. I'm twice your size, I need twice as much food."

Chad rolls his eyes and crosses his arms under his head, staring up at the ceiling. "When will you have time left to party if you work? We need to party, Jay-man."

Jared ignores him and doesn't point out that it's possible to work by day and party at night. And have classes in-between and do your homework. Jared frowns, and refuses to admit that Chad might have a point. It's not going to change the fact that Jared is in desperate need of some cash, so there's nothing he can do about it anyway. 

He finds a small add, offering a job at the coffeehouse just a couple of blocks from campus. He went there last week and the place is pretty awesome. Jared loved the smell of coffee and pastries and the apple pie he ate had him moaning with pleasure. It pretty much sounds like the job of his dreams, and Jared circles it with bright, green marker.

 

*

 

Most of the tables are occupied by groups of students, talking, laughing, or pouring over books when Jared drops by the coffeehouse after his classes the next day. He smiles to himself, imagining working here and feels a wave of excitement bubble up inside him. Jared, people, and food; it's the most perfect combination of all times.

"What can I get you?" the girl behind the counter asks and Jared shifts his attention to her. She's dark haired and pretty, smiling at him and Jared feels his excitement drop just a little. It's the girl he's seen with Jensen a few times.

"I, umm, is the manager here? I'm interested in the job… if it's still available."

Her smile widens and Jared really doesn't want to like her, but damn, she's definitely making it hard. "You're my savior," she exclaims. "We're really understaffed right now and I've been covering way more shifts than my schedule allows. The job is yours if you want."

"Really?" Jared asks and refrains from jumping a little. "Shouldn't you ask the manager? Don't I have to fill out a form?"

She waves her hand dismissively. "He pretty much lets us run the place, as long as things go smoothly. And if you totally suck at making coffees, we can always fire you," she says with a laugh. "I'm Sophia, by the way."

"Jared," he answers and shakes her offered hand. 

She leans over the counter, giving him a smile. "You know, if you happen to be free for the rest of the afternoon, you could start working right away. It's pretty slow this evening, I could show you the ropes and everything."

So much for disliking her, Jared thinks and finds himself nodding in agreement. 

A few minutes later, he's wearing a shirt proclaiming _Mary's Coffeehouse_. It's a little too small for him, but when he mentions that to Sophia, she just rakes her eyes over his chest exaggeratedly before laughing. "I think it's perfect," she replies with a wink and Jared blushes.

Sophia spends the afternoon showing him how to make a million different types of coffee, how to work the register, and the secret stack of cookies and pastries that got damaged and can't be sold anymore and thus serve as free food for the staff. It really _is_ Jared's dream job.

When they finish for the day Sophia pencils in his shifts into the schedule, telling him which ones are usually easier and making sure it all fits with his classes. She also makes sure that they have as many shifts together as possible and Jared doesn't protest. 

Before they leave, she makes two tall caramel lattes to go, adding extra whipped cream on Jared's, and swipes a few cookies before she hooks her arm through Jared's and they walk back to campus together. 

"So, do you have a boyfriend?" she asks, and smirks at him.

Jared nearly chokes on his cookie. "How'd you know I'm gay?"

Sophia laughs. "Because the good ones always are," she tells him, and takes a sip of her latte.

Jared feels the urge to ask if Jensen is, but instead he shakes his head. "I'm single."

"Hmm," Sophia hums under her breath, and cocks her head to the side. "Well, it should be easy to find someone as gorgeous as you a boyfriend."

Jared frowns, not really sure if the tone of her voice should scare him. "What about you?" he asks and prays whatever her answer, it won't be Jensen.

"Nah." She wrinkles her nose and shakes her head, before nudging him with her shoulder. "You don't happen to have a straight roommate, who's as good looking as you?"

Jared thinks of Chad and pictures him with Sophia, which is definitely a scary thought. He snorts. "Straight, yes. Not as good-looking as me, though," he replies with a wink and grins widely.

Sophia laughs. They reach the campus and she tugs on his hand, leading him to a bench where they finish their lattes and share the remaining cookie. 

First Jensen, even if he's still completely unaware of Jared's existence, then Chad, and now Sophia. College, Jared decides, is awesome. 

 

*

 

Jared is sitting cross-legged on his bed, calculus book open on his lap. Only, his eyes and thoughts keep drifting away from math and to the window longingly. Outside, it's starting to get chilly or at least, even Chad keeps complaining that it's far too warm for October, but Chad is from Buffalo, so really, what does he know?

Jared sighs and looks back down at the book, trying to focus on the numbers and concentrate enough to make some sense of them. Math comes easy to him and he usually enjoys working on problems, but today it's just rows and rows of digits and symbols. He considers finding his running shoes and blowing off some steam. Between classes, work, and hanging out with his new friends he's worked out way less than he used to and he's starting to feel restless.

"Jared!" The door to their room flies open along with Chad's exclamation and, startled, Jared looks up. Chad likes bursting into rooms, making dramatic entrances, and exits, for that matter, and does it pretty much all the time. Jared hopes he'll get used to it eventually. "Grab your shoes, we're going out."

"What?" Jared asks. "Where to?"

Chad plops down on the chair in front of Jared's desk. "Getting pizza. There's a great place just off campus. Allegria's or Allegrio's or something."

Jared furrows his brows as he looks around the room until he spots his shoes. "How'd you know?" he asks as he gets up.

"Mike says it's awesome. We're meeting him and his friends there."

"Mike?" Jared echoes and gives Chad a puzzled look. He racks his brain, trying to recall if there's a Mike in one of their classes or living somewhere down the hall but comes up blank. "Mike who?"

"Just met him. I ran into him outside," Chad explains and motions for Jared to hurry up. Jared sighs and grabs his shoes.

"You ran into him?" he repeats, and feels a little idiotic for just parroting everything Chad says. But that's the thing with Chad, you have to ask a thousand questions before you get the answer you want.

Chad chuckles. "Yeah. Spilled his backpack all over the ground."

"You _literally_ ran into someone and he invited you to hang out with him and his friends?"

"Yeah." Chad looks at him confused and Jared sighs. 

To Chad, the whole thing probably seems logical. And apparently, this Mike seems to agree with that. Jared wonders if maybe he should be afraid of meeting him, but he hangs out with Chad so he has no room to argue.

"C'mon, man. I'm hungry," Chad urges. Jared grabs a sweater from the closet and his wallet before Chad shoos him out of the room.

"You take longer than a girl," he complains.

Jared rolls his eyes. "I took, like, a minute, Chad. That's not long."

"Whatever. Girl," Chad shoots back, and shoves Jared playfully. Jared shoves back and they almost run into a group of girls, who start giggling immediately. Chad looks at them with interest and Jared grabs his arm, dragging him along. 

They reach Allegria's five minutes later, and when Jared smells the scent of melted cheese and tomato sauce, his stomach growls loudly.

"There they are!" Chad exclaims and grins. There's a slightly evil hint to his smile, and Jared wonders what that's about for all of a second before he looks up and _holy fuck_. Jensen is there. Jensen, who looks as incredible as ever, and Jared's wearing a faded pair of jeans, an old shirt, clutching a sweater that isn't exactly fashionable, and he didn't even look at the mirror before he left; his hair is probably an unruly, floppy mess. And he's supposed to sit at the same table as Jensen, eating pizza. Double holy fuck. 

As Chad drags him to the table, he reaches up and tries to smooth his hair down as best as he can, his eyes glued to Jensen. 

"Jared!" Jared shifts his attention away from Jensen and he finds Sophia jumping from the chair right next to him. She's beaming and rushes over, pulling him into a hug before pressing a kiss to his cheek. "What are you doing here?" 

"Uh, Chad," he waves his hand in the direction of Chad, who's watching them with a weird expression. 

"Your roommate, right?" Sophia waves at Chad before tugging at Jared's arm. "Scoot over, Jen, Jared's sitting next to me," she says, and kicks at Jensen's chair playfully.

"I'm not good enough for you anymore, Soph?" Jensen asks and sighs, scooting away with his chair. Jared feels himself blush even if Jensen hasn't really looked at him yet and quickly turns away, grabbing a chair from an empty table. He sits down between Jensen and Sophia and tries not to stare.

Chad has squeezed himself in across from Jared and gives him a wide grin. Jared prays no one else can read the _make a move on him_ look on Chad's face. He wishes he couldn't read it either, really, because the way Chad is wiggling his eyebrows is downright vulgar.

"All right," Sophia says and pats his arm. "This is Sandy, my roommate," she introduces and points to the girl next to her who smiles widely. "The guy next to you is Jensen. That's Mike and that's Tom."

"Hi," Jared mutters and shifts around a little. His arm brushes Jensen's. 

"And this is Jared and his roommate Chad," she continues. "Jared works at the coffeehouse with me."

"Yeah, you've mentioned him," Jensen says dryly, and Sophia sticks out her tongue.

Jared frowns and doesn't dare ask what that's supposed to mean. If Sophia talked about him he doesn't want to know in case she told Jensen any embarrassing stories. Like the epic fight between him and the register, which he lost spectacularly. Or how many times he's spilled a drink, to which the answer is _quite often_.

They order their food and drinks, and Jared sits back, listening to the banter and laughter of people who have obviously known each other for a while. Jared has never had trouble meeting people, but he feels uncharacteristically shy around Jensen. He's glad Chad is there, willing to make an ass of himself, and that nobody seems to be bothered that just a couple of hours ago he and Chad were complete strangers. Sandy, it turns out, is a freshman as well, Jared thinks he might have seen her in some of his classes, and Jensen, Mike and Tom, all seniors, don't seem to mind hanging out with three freshman and one sophomore. It's comfortable. 

Mike and Chad do indeed make a scary combination, and Jared knows all of them will eventually curse the day they met. He has to admit it's quite amusing to watch them throw things at everyone, though, including people sitting at the tables around them, and betting who can eat three slices of pizza faster. Mike beats Chad, and Jared challenges him when Mike gloats that no one ever beats him. Jared, to everyone's amusement, eats the three slices faster than Mike without breaking into a sweat.

Jensen pats him on the back, laughing. "We're gonna have to keep you around," he says playfully and Jared can't help but grin widely at him.

"It doesn't count," Mike complains. "Look at him. The guy is a giant; he's probably not even human."

"You lost, suck it up, Rosenbaum," Jensen replies and squeezes Jared's shoulder. "Jared here beat you fair and square."

Jared knows he probably looks like an idiot, beaming like he just won the lottery. When he meets Sophia's eyes, she looks at him speculatively, one eyebrow raised. Jared ducks his head a little and Sophia's face suddenly morphs into a pleased smile and she bumps her leg against his. 

 

*

 

"I probably shouldn't be telling you this," Sophia says, after she hands a girl a coffee and watches her walk away. Jared stops wiping over the counter and shoots her a look.

"Telling me what?"

She sighs. "He has a boyfriend."

Jared feels his stomach twist and he looks down. "Oh," he mutters, not even bothering pretending he doesn't know whom she's talking about.

"He sucks." She lays a hand on his arm and squeezes gently.

"Jensen?" 

"No." Sophia laughs softly. "Jensen's boyfriend. I'm not saying he's a bad guy, but… Jensen can do better. They don't really have anything in common and even Jensen admits it's not true love. They get along, but they're not serious. I don't really know why Jensen would want that. And if it was up to me, I'd rather see Jensen with someone like you."

Jared shrugs. "We don't even know each other. I just thought he was good looking, is all."

"Uh-huh," she replies, sounding unconvinced. Jared leans against the counter and gives her a sulking look. Sophia reaches out and rubs his arm comfortingly before she suddenly halts. "Speaking of Jensen…" she trails off, her voice light and teasing as she looks at something behind Jared's back.

Jared cranes his head back and sure enough, there's Jensen walking up to the counter. Jared straightens up and smiles. "Hi, Jensen. What can I get you?"

"Hi." Jensen slides onto a chair and smiles at them. "Just a coffee. Black."

Sophia brushes her fingers against Jared's wrist and grins at him. "I'll get it," she says casually and turns around, winking at Jared.

"So," Jared starts, racking his brain for something to say. "How are your classes?" Which, admittedly, is probably the lamest thing he could have come up with, but Jensen doesn't look at him like he's pathetic. 

"Fine. I got some really great professors this year. And yours? You settled in okay? Not homesick?" Jensen asks with a soft smile.

"It's great," Jared replies, nodding enthusiastically. "My classes are great. And the people are nice, too. My momma's convinced I'm dying here on my own and I kinda miss them, but I'm so busy I don't really have much time to think about it."

Jensen wets his lips and nods. "You get used to being away from home."

"Yeah," Jared agrees and damn if his voice doesn't come out a little husky. 

"Here you go," Sophia interrupts and slides a coffee in front of Jensen. She gives both of them a wide smile. "I'll clean the tables now. You cover the counter, Jared." She twirls around and while Jared feels a little uncomfortable being all alone with Jensen, he still thinks he should buy Sophia at least ten bouquets of flowers.

"And you like working here?" Jensen asks.

"Yeah. Sophia is awesome. And they have the best pies ever. You should give the apple pie a shot."

Jensen quirks one eyebrow. "I should, huh?"

Jared nods. "Definitely. It's the best thing I've ever tasted. My momma will kill me if I ever say that in front of her, but it's so good." 

Jensen laughs and his eyes twinkle. Jared feels himself fall even deeper. "How can I refuse after an advertisement like that?" Jensen teases. "Give me a slice."

"Really?" Jared grins. "You won't regret it, man, I swear."

Jared turns around and swears he can feel Jensen's eyes on him. He doesn't look back to confirm it, just smiles at the possibility of Jensen checking him out. He makes sure Jensen gets the biggest slice they have and arranges it perfectly on the plate with whipped cream.

Sophia joins them when Jensen is halfway through the slice and they're talking about football. She gives Jensen a weird look.

Jensen stays for an hour, getting two refills of coffee and leaves Jared a big tip. 

"Jensen ate apple pie?" Sophia asks as the door closes behind Jensen, sounding amused and surprised all at once.

Jared raises an eyebrow and turns around to make a frappuccino with a shrug. "I told him how great it tasted."

"Jensen knows how it tastes; he's here all the time. And the chocolate pie is his favorite." 

Jared keeps his back to her and makes a noncommittal sound, telling himself it means nothing. Jensen already has a boyfriend after all. 

 

*

 

The following Saturday, Jensen calls him at nine a.m. and Jared tries to hide his yawns and pretends he was already awake.

When Jensen asks him if he wants to hang out, Jared agrees a little too quickly. He jumps out of his bed, showers in record time and then tries to pick out something to wear that'll look good, yet casual. 

"Jared, you bigass freak," Chad groans from the bed when Jared stumbles over a pile of books and sends them scattering as he tries to pull on his sneakers. "Let me sleep."

"Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you, man. I'ma hang out with Jensen," he mutters and then frowns down at his jeans and shirt. "Is this too casual?"

Chad throws a pen at Jared, missing him by a long shot and grumbles what sounds like insults to Jared under his breath. He chuckles to himself and leaves, stomping harder then needed and slamming the door shut on his way out. 

Jensen is waiting for him outside, and he smiles widely when he sees Jared. Jared hugs him hello, the way he always does with friends and hopes Jensen doesn't read anything else into it. Jensen doesn't have to know that Jared pretends it does mean something.

They go to a café first, because Jensen insists on buying Jared breakfast to make up for dragging him out of bed so early on a free day. Apparently, Jared wasn't too successful at pretending Jensen's call didn't wake him up.

"And remember, I've seen the amounts you eat. I don’t want you to faint on me," Jensen teases as they slide into a booth opposite each other.

"I'm a growing boy," Jared argues. When the waitress appears minutes later, he tries to order only pancakes though and Jensen snorts.

"Bring him one of those huge breakfast specials you have," he tells the waitress.

"Jensen," Jared starts, but Jensen waves him off.

"You're a growing boy," he teases. "I don't want to be the reason you don't grow up to be eleven feet, or however tall you giants can get."

Jared laughs loudly, not caring if some of the other guests look at him startled because Jensen grins widely. He doesn't put up any further protest and when their breakfast is served, he eats all of his.

Jensen, it turns out, didn't really have a plan for the day. He ends up showing Jared a few of his favorite places and stores, picking up a book he needed for class in an old bookstore and showing him the best ice cream parlor in town. 

When they return to their dorms, Jensen stops in front of Jared's dorm. He looks like he wants to say something, looking at Jared intently, and Jared feels a little queasy. In the end though, Jensen only leans in for a loose hug and gives him a smile. "I had a great time," he says, and turns to leave with a wave.

If Jensen didn't have a boyfriend, Jared would think they just went out on a date. 

 

*

 

Jensen becomes the center of Jared's whole world way too quickly. Jared figures it's okay when Sophia tells him she's never seen Jensen as comfortable around someone else before. 

Jensen's the first person Jared goes to when he's excited about something, which happens pretty regularly since Jared is the kind of person who can get excited about unexpected discounts on his favorite candy or listening to an awesome song on the radio. 

It's Jensen who Jared turns to when he feels homesick for the first time. It happens when he's on the phone with his momma, Megan complaining in the background that their dad should put the steaks on the grill because she's starving. He can hear his dad laughing at that, and Jared feels a pang deep in his stomach and gives his mother an excuse about having to study. He bites his lip when he hangs up and avoids Chad's curious glances. Instead, he flees to Jensen's room and Jensen takes one look at him before pulling him into a hug. A couple of tears slip out as he buries his face in Jensen's neck and he lets Jensen's soothing voice wash over him, his Texan accent even more prominent than usual. It almost feels like home. 

He goes to Jensen's room when he needs to get away from Chad for a while, playing video games with Jensen for hours, and Jensen never complains. Jared loves hanging out with him, talking about sports, music, their families and anything else that comes to their minds. They watch games together and play Madden in Jensen's dorm room. On the days where Jared has a shift without Sophia, Jensen often drops by and keeps him company while he drinks his coffee. 

He knows just how to make Jared laugh, and he’s always willing to talk to him or just sit in silence with him when needed. He smiles when Jared rambles about an animal documentary he saw on TV and then helps him pick out names for the dogs he wants to have as soon as he has his own apartment one day. He keeps playing chess with Jared even if Jared beats him every damn time, and the one time Jared tries to let him win, he scowls and tells him to play for real the next time or he'll kick his ass. He teaches Jared a few chords on his guitar and ruffles his hair when he messes up every few seconds, his hands too big and clumsy. 

Jared’s heart aches a little whenever he's reminded that he wants more from Jensen than that, more than Jensen can give him, but he can't help but be content whenever Jensen’s around him. Within a few weeks of knowing each other, he suddenly can't imagine ever living life without Jensen Ackles in it.


	2. Chapter 2

The bouncer nods at Jensen and lets them enter without asking Jared for ID. Jared gives him a nervous smile.

"Told you you'd be okay," Jensen says, turning his head back and smiling at Jared as they step into the bar. It's dark and smoky and there's low music playing, a guy singing about home and love in a deep voice accompanied by a guitar.

Jared takes it all in, staying close to Jensen. He's been to a few bars back in San Antonio, fake IDs getting him in easily enough, but he never went to places like this. This bar is smaller, with a stage and live music, and Jared feels comfortable right away.

Jensen grabs his hand. "They're over there. C'mon," he says, tugging Jared along to a table tucked away on the side of the room, close to a small stage, where two guys are sitting. 

One of them raises a hand when he sees Jensen, cowboy hat low over his eyes. Jared grins then, feeling at ease right away, reminded of his friends back in San Antonio, all of them Texan boys through and through. Sharing a room with Chad and hanging out with a group of people from all over the States, he sometimes feels the urge to walk around Austin and soak up everything and anything Texan again. When he told Jensen that a couple of weeks ago, lying on Jensen's bed and watching The Saw, Jensen laughed.

"Wait until you get out of Texas for the first time. That'll be a real shock to your system, cowboy," he said.

They approach the table and the guy with the cowboy hat pulls Jensen into a hug. "Hey, Jenny," he greets, patting Jensen on the back.

"Hi, asshole," Jensen replies, before hugging the other guy at the table. 

He turns around and lays a hand on Jared's shoulder, pushing him forward. "Guys, this is Jared. Jared, Chris," he introduces, nodding at the one with the hat, "and Steve."

Jared waves. "Hi."

"So, _this_ is Jared," Steve says and there's something akin to amusement coloring his voice. "Nice to meet ya, man."

Chris laughs and Jensen huffs something under his breath that Jared can't make out. He sits down and Jared takes the empty chair next to him.

"I'm getting you drinks," Chris offers. "You're letting your boy have a drink with us, aren't you, Jen?"

Jared feels himself blush a little and he's glad it's dark enough that no one can see. 

"I'm not his momma," Jensen replies, shooting Jared a wide grin.

"That's not what I was thinking," Chris laughs as he walks away. 

Jensen turns to face Steve, apparently ignoring Chris's comment, and Jared decides to do the same. He listens to Steve and Jensen talk, updating each other on what's been going on, and smiles gratefully when Chris returns, setting a cool beer in front of him. 

"When are you guys playing?" he asks.

"After this round," Steve replies and lifts his beer in salute, before talking a big swing. "Jen, you gonna join us?"

"'Course he is," Chris chimes in, his voice holding no room to argue. "We got a guitar here for ya."

Jensen shrugs and glances at Jared. "Not this time, guys. Can't leave Jay here on his own, boring himself to death."

"It's fine," Jared quickly replies and gives Jensen a smile, letting him see the truth there.   
So maybe he has been looking forward to hanging out with Jensen, having a few beers, but he's been dying to hear Jensen sing. He's heard him hum under his breath, when he was messing around with his guitar, but so far he's refused to really sing in front of Jared. 

"See, your boy can handle sitting alone for a bit. Come on, you haven't been to any of our gigs in forever," Chris wheedles.

Jensen looks at Jared again and then sighs. "One song, that's it," he agrees, and Steve and Chris both whoop.

"We'll call you up later," Steve says, finishing his beer before getting up and wiping his hands on his jeans. 

"Have fun, cowboy, and make sure this one doesn't bail out on us." Chris points at Jensen and pats Jared on the shoulder.

Jensen kicks at him but Chris dodges and follows Steve.

"They're nice," Jared says, turning to smile at Jensen. 

Jensen rolls his eyes and shrugs. "Yeah. Annoying as fuck, too," he adds with a smirk, and touches the neck of his bottle to Jared's. "You enjoying yourself?"

Jared nods. "The place is awesome. And I can't wait to hear you sing."

Jensen actually looks embarrassed at that and Jared laughs softly, bumping against Jensen. "You're gonna be great," he says.

Jensen doesn't reply, but he looks pleased as he takes a swing of his beer.

On the small stage, Steve and Chris settle down onto stools, adjusting the microphones and Steve strums a few chords on his guitar before nodding at Chris.

"Evenin'," Chris says into the microphone. "Since most of you here have seen us before, I'm gonna spare y'all the whole boring introduction. Hope you enjoy the set, guys."

Steve starts playing for real then and Jared turns to face the stage. He can feel one of Jensen's knees digging into the small of his back and he leans into it a little as Chris starts singing. 

After the first song, Jared cranes his head back and gives Jensen a wide grin. "Dude," he exclaims and gestures at the stage. "They're awesome!"

"Told you they were," Jensen replies, looking smug, but there's a hint of pride in his voice, and Jared chuckles, nodding in agreement. He turns to Jensen completely then, taps his leg in rhythm with the music as they talk, glancing over his shoulder every now and then.

The fourth song ends, Steve playing the guitar softly as Chris walks off stage.

"Our friend Jensen is here tonight," Steve says as Chris carries another stool and microphone stand onto the stage. "Some of you might know him, he's played with us before and he agreed to join us for one song tonight. Jensen?"

Steve meets his eyes and Jensen gets up, his hand brushing over Jared's back. "I'll be back in a few," he says with a grin, but Jared can see the nervousness he's trying to hide.

"You'll be great," Jared tells him confidently, patting his arm as Jensen passes him. Jensen throws him a smile over his shoulder as he jumps up the few stairs to the stage. 

He sits down on the empty stool, taking the guitar Chris hands him. Chris leans into him, and Jared watches them exchange a few words, smiling. Chris takes his hat off and places it onto Jensen's head as he sits back down, making him laugh.

"Okay, the next song is called _I Can Die a Happy Man_ ," Chris says. 

Jared watches the three of them, the way Steve and Jensen's eyes meet for a moment as Chris starts singing and they start playing. All three of them look like they belong, and Jared feels a giddy sense of pride at the fact that he knows them, that they’re his friends. 

Jensen joins Chris's singing in the chorus, his voice smooth and low, his eyes closed. His voice gets a little stronger as the song keeps going, and Jared can see Jensen relax, a smile spreading over his face. 

Chris lets Jensen sing the last line on his own, leaning back. Jensen lifts his eyes then, searching out Jared as he draws out the last word. Jared’s heart beats madly, his stomach twisting in a way that isn't entirely unpleasant and he grins widely at Jensen. 

He claps louder than anyone else as Jensen gets up and says a soft "Thank you" into the microphone.

 

*

 

"The seat still free?"

Jared looks up from the book on 19th century English Literature he's reading and smiles when he sees Jensen, holding his laptop and balancing a small stack of books on top of it. 

Jared grins. "My momma taught me not to talk to strangers," he replies with an apologizing shrug.

"Smart woman. A pretty boy like you," Jensen says with a drawl and smirks. A girl a few tables away looks up and makes a shushing noise, but when she sees Jensen she blushes and waves. Jensen waves back.

"Look who's talking," Jared replies with a snort, pretending not to be pleased deep down by Jensen calling him pretty. He kicks the chair next to him back and reaches up to take the stack of books. 

Jensen sits down with a low sigh, setting his laptop onto the table and stretches. "How come the summer is already over and I'm back to writing papers?" he asks with a frown.

Jared shrugs. "Yeah. Feels like I graduated just yesterday."

"You did, kiddo." Jensen laughs when Jared pushes him away with his shoulder.

"Asshole," he mutters and picks up his book again with a soft groan. "This must be the most boring book ever. Who cares about Byron anyway?"

Jensen pushes the book up a little and peers at the title. He smirks as his eyes rake over the cover. "It's not that bad. And Byron is pretty awesome."

Jared rolls his eyes. "That can only come from someone majoring in English. Freak."

Jensen hums softly under his breath as he opens his laptop, shrugging Jared's teasing off. His thigh brushes against Jared's under the table and Jared watches him flip open the first book. He smiles softly and they sit in comfortable silence, the hush of the library falling over them.

When Jared finishes the section on Romanticism he needed to read, he stretches his arms over his head, his spine cracking satisfyingly and Jensen looks up.

"Done already?" he asks.

"Yup," Jared replies with a smile and pushes the book away from him as if to emphasize. 

"Slacker," Jensen teases.

Jared peers at the time on Jensen's laptop and sighs. "I wish. Got a class in thirty minutes."

"Your life's so hard, Jay," Jensen deadpans and ducks when Jared reaches out to swat him. "You coming tonight?"

"Where?"

Jensen shrugs. "Sandy and Soph were bemoaning the lack of fun we're having. They wanna go bowling."

"And that's more fun?" 

Jensen shrugs. "Beats watching movies at the dorm."

"Yeah, I guess," Jared agrees. "See you later then?"

"I'll come by your room around seven," Jensen suggests, and Jared nods in agreement. 

He lets his hand brush over Jensen's shoulder as he leaves and turns back to wave. Jensen's watching him with a smile on his face and lifts his hand in goodbye.

 

*

 

They're at Allegria's, eating pizza and discussing what movie to see later, when Jensen's boyfriend shows up. 

Jared doesn't even notice him, deep in discussion with Tom about when it's the best time to work out together, until Jensen suddenly gets up and kisses a guy. Jared's chest constricts and he can't look away from them. Jensen's boyfriend is taller than Jensen, not as tall as Jared, though, with blond hair and a good body. Nothing special, but better looking than Jared hoped he would be.

He loses all his appetite. 

Jensen introduces Andrew to him, and Jared gives him a short wave. Andrew doesn't exactly seem excited about meeting Jared either, so Jared figures it's okay if he ignores him. He picks at his pizza as Andrew gets a chair and sits down next to Jensen, sliding his arm around Jensen's shoulder as they talk quietly to each other.

He's spent the last weeks pretending the alleged boyfriend didn't really exist, banishing him as far from his mind as possible. Being with Jensen, the whole world disappearing until it was just them, made it easy. And now Andrew is suddenly right there, Jared can put a face to the name, and fuck if that doesn't suck too much for words.

Sophia, who's sitting across from him and talking to Chad, nudges his ankle with her foot and then keeps it resting against his. 

Sandy gives him a weak smile and leans in to whisper, "We'll buy you lots of candy at the movies."

Jared feels slightly better and forces himself to join into the argument over which superhero is the coolest with Mike and Tom. They're still at it when the waitress brings the check.

"So, movies next," Sophia says as they all get up. 

"We're actually leaving now." Andrew intertwines his fingers with Jensen's.

Jensen makes a surprised sound and for a moment Jared hopes Jensen will come with them. "We are?"

Andrew gives him a look that's somewhere between disappointed and annoyed. "I thought it’d be just the two of us tonight, Jensen. We barely see each other as it is."

Jensen shrugs and shoots all of them an apologetic looks. "Another time then?" 

He leaves without giving Jared the hug that he's gotten used to. Sophia doesn't get one either, though, so Jared tells himself it's nothing to be hurt over.

Sandy links her arm with his as they walk to the movie theater and Sophia keeps giving him smiles. He listens to Sandy tell him funny stories about her childhood and laughs at all the right places. Surprisingly, he finds himself not having to fake it once he actually listens to her.

The movie is some cheap horror flick Mike talked them into, and it sucks just as much as Jared knew it would. But Sophia and Sandy do indeed buy him lots of candy and popcorn and Chad buys him a huge coke, while Mike and Tom keep complaining that no one is buying them anything and shooting confused looks at Jared.

When the movie ends, Jared's stomach is aching slightly from too much sugar, and Sandy is holding his hand while Sophia is resting her head on his shoulder. He wishes either of the two were Jensen, but he figures it could be worse. 

 

*

 

"You're moping," Chad says, before plopping down on the bed next to Jared. 

"Am not," Jared argues, and buries his face in the pillows. 

Chad sighs loudly and Jared feels a warm hand on his shoulder. "Jay, really, you're moping," he repeats, and this time it sounds less annoyed and more concerned.

Jared flips around and shoots Chad a look. "I'm fine… I just don't get what he sees in him. Jensen can have better-looking guys. And I may have only met _Andrew_ once, but I can tell he's a douche. Even Sophia thinks Jensen could do better."

Chad frowns. "Well, Jensen seems to see something in him though." 

Which really doesn't make Jared feel better at all. "Jensen clearly is insane then," he mutters. 

"Yeah, I've known that for a while," Chad agrees with a smirk. "Want to go out and get shitfaced?"

Jared shrugs, then shakes his head. "I'm fine," he repeats.

Chad looks at him for a moment longer before shrugging. "If you say so, man. So, hey, I wanted to ask you something."

Jared sits up with a groan and crosses his legs, raising an eyebrow. "What?"

"Sophia, uh, is she, you know, seeing someone?"

Jared blinks and stares at Chad. "Dude. Seriously?" 

He knows he shouldn't be surprised; Sophia is beautiful and Chad, well, Chad likes beautiful girls. A lot of them. But Sophia is also smart and strong and probably more of a challenge than any other girl Chad could have picked. It probably only adds to her appeal though.

Chad looks a little embarrassed and a whole lot uncomfortable. And Chad never looks either of those two. 

"Wow." Jared grins and when Chad glares at him, he quickly tries to look more serious. He clears his throat for effect. "As far as I know, she's single."

"Cool. You think she would, uh, go out with me?"

Jared tips his head to the side and thinks about that. He has honestly no idea what kind of guys Sophia likes. She went on a couple of dates since they met, but not with anyone Jared knew. "You should give it a try," he finally says.

Chad smiles widely.

 

*

 

Chad, apparently, makes his move on Sophia rather quickly. When he comes back from a run the next Friday, Sandy is in his room, lounging on his bed.

"Hi," she says and waves at him.

"Where's Chad?" he asks and tugs at his sweaty t-shirt.

"Out. With Sophia." Her eyes twinkle and she grins at him. "I'm not sure whether to be happy or scared."

Jared laughs and joins her on the bed. "Me neither."

"I figured though maybe it's one of those things where they so don't fit together that it might actually work," she muses. "I still pity Sophia though."

Jared gives her a grin. "Chad is a good guy. Crazy, but good."

"Huh. If you say so."

He nods and stretches his arms over his head, before making a face. "I need a shower."

Sandy starts laughing and pushes him away from her a little. "You really do. And then you need to get dressed, because we're going out."

"We are?" he asks. 

"Just you and me. Everyone else had plans for the night and we can't be the only two losers hanging around the dorms," she explains and gets up. "I'll get ready, too. Come get me in an hour, big guy."

She winks at him as she leaves and when the door closes, he flops down on the bed and stares at the ceiling. He lets himself wonder what Jensen is doing for a minute. He's probably with Andrew, not thinking about Jared for even a split second, while Jared’s been thinking about nobody _but_ Jensen all fucking day. Maybe, he thinks dejectedly, Chad is right and he’s been moping. He forces himself to get up and shower, determined to have fun with Sandy tonight even if it kills him.

They go to a small pub where they don't get carded. Jared isn't sure if that's because they apparently look old enough or because Sandy gives the bouncer a big, flirty smile, but he doesn't care either way. 

Inside, it's dark and smoky. 

"Hey, there's a friend of mine," Sandy exclaims and points at a booth where a girl and a guy are sitting. "Let's join them," she suggests and Jared shrugs, following her. 

Sandy greets the girl exuberantly and introduces her as Corrine, and Jared waves hello at her before sitting down. 

Sandy gives him a gleaming smile and leans close. "Corrine and me are getting drinks, okay?" 

He shrugs and Sandy gives him an excited look, patting his shoulder before leaving. He has no idea what has Sandy so excited until he glances at the guy who is checking him out rather obviously. 

"I'm Mark," he introduces himself, smiling widely. 

"Jared," Jared answers, and shifts around uncomfortably.

"It's very nice to meet you, Jared. Sandy has told me a lot about you," Mark answers.

Jared forces a smile on his face. "Has she? I'm afraid she hasn't mentioned you that much."

Mark shrugs and leans close, winking at Jared. "Well, there's plenty of time to get to know each other."

Jared mutters, "Yeah." and glances at the bar, trying to spot either Sandy or her friend and hoping they'd be back soon. The guy isn't bad looking and Jared doesn't mind when guys flirt with him, but he doesn't like being set up at all. He wonders what Sandy told Mark, where he thinks this will lead. 

He breathes a sigh of relief when Sandy and Corrine come back with drinks. He shoots Sandy a glare and she stares back innocently. 

For the rest of the night, Jared drinks and jokes with everyone, but makes sure he doesn't come off as interested. Mark apparently gets it, because when they part he tells Jared it was nice to meet him but doesn't ask for his number.

 

*

 

Mark isn't the only guy Jared meets in the next couple of weeks, because Sandy and Sophia apparently decided to find Jared the perfect boyfriend. Jared is a little suspicious about Chad as well, but he's pretty sure Chad doesn't know any gay guys he could set Jared up with, so he lets that slide.

Sophia and Sandy seem to know more than enough, however. They talk Jared into two more dates. Blind dates, Jared finds out, are just as awkward as he thought they would be. With one of the guys he sits in complete silence for most part of dinner, because the only thing they seem to have in common is going to UT Austin. It's slightly better with the second guy, because at least they talk a little, but he just isn't what Jared wants at all. He's nice enough and smart enough, but he doesn't make Jared laugh and he's not the kind of guy he could hang out with all day without getting sick of each other. He's not the kind of guy who will come to the coffeehouse and overdose on coffee just to keep Jared company. 

"You're not giving any of these guys a real chance, Jay," Sophia tells him, looking concerned when he tells them he doesn't want any more dates. 

Maybe he's not, but he can't help it. 

 

*

 

A few days later, a friend of Sophia who just happens to be gay drops by the coffeehouse during his and Sophia's shift. Jared glares at her and wishes it was a busy day so he could use work as an excuse. Just his luck the coffeehouse is all but empty. 

He makes awkward small talk and busies himself cleaning the counter and everything else he can find. Ten minutes into the date that isn't a date, Jensen suddenly appears and Jared wants to hug him.

"Jen!" he exclaims happily. "You want the usual?"

"Yeah," Jensen replies, sitting down at the counter the way he always does. "And pie. Classes sucked, I need some sugar to make my day better."

Sophia brushes past Jared and shoots Jensen a glare. Jensen frowns, looking after her, and Jared bites his lip, hating that Sophia is apparently taking his side when Jensen didn't actually do anything wrong. It's not Jensen's fault that Jared is in love with him.

"What kind of pie do you want?" he asks, and nudges Sophia away with one foot.

Jensen looks back at him, his confusion morphing into a grin again. "Apple pie. Someone once told me the apple pie here is the best thing ever," he says in a teasing voice.

"Whoever said that, he has good taste," Jared replies with a grin and gets Jensen's pie and coffee. 

Sophia's friend is totally forgotten and when Jared stays behind the counter, talking to Jensen, he eventually leaves.

 

*

 

Sophia and Sandy give up on their plan after that. Jared knows they just meant well and want him to be happy, but Jensen isn't the kind of person you just get over. And Jared tends to be a little dramatic and maybe emotional, which doesn't help one bit. 

But while things with Jensen suck, things between Sophia and Chad seem to be going great. Which sucks just a little. Jared wants them to be happy but he doesn't really want them to be happy in front of him right now. And Sophia and Chad making out together isn't something Jared wants to see, period. Seeing them holding hands and watching each other intently is kind of cute in an annoying way, but he draws the line at kissing. 

Unfortunately, they're still in the phase where they can't keep their hands off each other. More often than not in Chad and Jared's room. Jared can only avert his eyes for so long and pretend they're not in the room with him, and it's really damn distracting. With exams fast approaching, distraction is really the last thing he needs.

He hides out in Sandy's room sometimes, both of them studying. But Sandy is one of those people who always need to have music on in the background and Jared isn't. Since it's her room and Jared feels bad enough as it is about intruding all the time, he keeps his mouth shut, but the closer he gets to his first exam, the more nervous he becomes about not getting enough studying done.

Mike and Tom's room is out. Jared is not sure how Tom manages to get a single thing done with Mike in the room anyway, so he's not even about to try it. 

Jared would have tried Jensen's room earlier, because despite everything Jensen has probably become the best friend he ever had, but he's pretty sure Jensen's roommate, Richard, hates him. Not that the guy ever talks to him, but the glares pretty much get the message across, even if Jensen insists Richard isn't really friendly with anyone. Eventually, he gives in anyway.

To his surprise, studying with Jensen actually works out pretty well. They sit side by side on Jensen's bed, reading or going over notes. Jensen doesn't mind when Jared interrupts him to ask a question, just scans Jared's notes and explains things to him. 

On the night before Jared's first exam, he squishes in one last studying session until Jensen tells him he's just going to drive himself crazy.

"You'll do fine," he reassures him.

Jared lets out a deep breath and nods. "I know, man, it's just…What if I screw up?"

Jensen shuts his own book and faces Jared. "You won't," he says and reaches out to squeeze Jared's arm. "You're smart and you studied enough. Believe me, it'll be okay. You'll be doing yourself a favor if you stop worrying and trying to go over things again and just get a good night's sleep instead."

Jared meets Jensen's eyes, green and honest and sincere, and just like that, he feels some of the tension leave him. "You're probably right."

Jensen chuckles. "'Course I am."

When Jared leaves, praying Sophia and Chad won't be doing anything he really doesn't want to see and he can go to bed right away, Jensen hugs him and whispers "Good luck, Jay" into his ear.

 

*

 

Jared has one more exam left the following week, the one he's worried about the least, then he'll go home for the holidays. Right now, he's in a house filled with college students, there's a kitchen filled with alcohol and snacks, music is pounding loudly and all of his friends are around somewhere. He should be happy.

"What're you sulking about now?" 

Jared looks up to find Sandy in front of him, a full cup of beer in her hand and a lopsided grin accompanying her flushed cheeks. Definitely on her way to drunk, Jared decides, and maybe Sandy has the right idea. Getting drunk sounds like the way to go.

"Let me guess, Jensen?" she prods.

Jared shrugs. "Mike said Jensen was brining Andrew," he admits. 

Sandy makes a sad face at him before smirking. "Well, if I see him around, I'll accidentally trip and spill my drink on him. Promise," she says before grabbing his wrist. "Come on now, we'll get you a beer. It'll make things better."

Saying no to Sandy is almost as impossible as saying no to Sophia, so Jared follows her without protest. He doesn't mind it when it comes to getting him a drink, but when Sandy then drags him into the living room to dance, he winces.

He steps on Sandy's toes three times, which just makes her laugh, and bumps into at least four different people. He's relieved when after two songs, a guy cuts in and he leaves Sandy dancing with him.

Jared looks around the living room for anyone else he knows. There are a few guys from his classes, but no one he ever said more than 'hi' to and Chad and Sophia are standing in one corner, looking way too absorbed in one another. Jared knows he's being unfair, but a small part of him wishes Chad wouldn't take up so much of her time. Or maybe the other way around. Between Jensen and Andrew and Chad and Sophia, Jared is just the odd one out. He hates feeling like the fifth wheel.

With a sigh, Jared wanders outside to get some fresh air. Without a sweater, it’s really damn cold outside and Jared rubs his arms. He's ready to turn around and just go back inside when he hears Mike's familiar laugh ring through the yard.

He finds him and Tom with two other guys he doesn't know, passing around a bottle and what looks like a joint.

"Jay! My man!" Mike exclaims, and Tom gives him a wide smile, slinging his arm over Jared's shoulder when he joins them.

"Hey, Jared," he greets enthusiastically, grinning sloppily. Jared grins at his state and accepts the bottle Mike hands him.

He takes a swing, the familiar taste of cheap whiskey filling his mouth and sliding warmly down his throat. 

"Enjoying the party?" Mike asks and wiggles his eyebrows. Jared isn't sure what that's supposed to mean, but with Mike that's not really something out of ordinary, so he shrugs.

"It's okay."

"Okay?" Tom repeats and sways a little. "Man, the party is a blast."

"Yeah? How much of the actual party have you seen?" Mike teases, and the other two guys laugh loudly.

"The real party's out here," Tom shoots back and Jared takes another swing of whiskey, ignoring Tom and Mike's banter.

He's tipsy, his stomach burning nicely from the alcohol, when he feels a hand settle on his back. "What are you idiots doing out here?" Jensen asks and squeezes himself between Jared and Tom. The two other guys left a few minutes earlier, taking the joint with them, so it's just the four of them.

"Having fun, man," Mike replies, tipping the bottle in Jensen's direction. 

"It's freezing out here. Y'all are gonna get sick."

Jared frowns and swears the alcohol was keeping him warm until Jensen mentioned the cold. He shivers a little, and Jensen's hand slides up around his shoulders. He rubs Jared's arm. "You're not even wearing a sweater, Jay. Let's go back inside."

Jared shrugs. "It's kinda more fun out here."

"Come on," Jensen coaxes. "I'm not taking care of your pathetic ass if you get sick."

"Jenny, let the boy have some fun," Mike chimes in and holds out the bottle to Jensen. "And while you're at it, have some fun as well."

Jensen shakes his head. "I drove here, man."

Mike sighs mournfully. "Spoilsport," he mutters under his breath.

Jensen doesn’t reply, just tightens his arm around Jared. "Come on, Jay, let's get back into the house and warm you up a little. These idiots can stay out here and get drunk if they want to."

Being in a warmer place actually sounds appealing to Jared, and hanging out with Jensen even more so. But then he remembers what Mike told him earlier and he frowns. "Where's your boyfriend?"

Jensen's arm slides from his shoulder and Jared hears him let out a soft breath. "I came alone," he says, his voice tight, and then his hand is on Jared's back again. "Now start walking, big guy. Sophia and Sandy are probably wondering where their favorite giant went off to. Don't want them to send out a search party, do ya?"

This time, Jared goes willingly.

 

*

 

Coming home for Christmas, done with all his classes and his exams, feels strange. 

He's greeted with big hugs, chatter and loud laughter. His mother might have a few unshed tears in her eyes when she envelopes him in her arms and Megan holds on a little tighter than necessary. Jeff just rolls his eyes and pats his back, wordlessly commiserating.

Everything is pretty much the same as it was before he left, except for the Christmas decorations now adorning every free surface, but it still feels different to Jared. It's not a bad feeling, because sleeping in a room without Chad and eating home cooked meals is definitely nice for a change. But he catches himself missing Austin; he misses just having to go one floor down if he wants to hang out with Sophia, Tom joining him on his runs, Chad always siding with him, caramel lattes, apple pie and Jensen. Sometimes he even misses Chad's too loud cackle and Mike's crazy ideas.

"You've grown up so much," his mom says when he's helping her with the dishes, practically arm-deep in suds and water. Her voice is full of both pride and wistfulness.

"Not really," he answers with a smirk. "I think I've grown another inch though."

She laughs then and presses a chaste kiss to his cheek. "It's good to have you home, baby," she whispers and Jared can see tears in her eyes again right before she turns away. "Now, tell me about college."

Jared grins at the change of subject. "It's good. I think I did pretty okay in the exams. English was pretty tough, but Jensen helped me study for it."

"Did he?" she asks, and there's something akin to amusement in her voice. "He sounds like a nice guy. You've mentioned him quite often."

Jared ducks his head, hoping his mom won't look his way and see him blushing. "He's a good friend," he answers.

His mother makes a soft noise of agreement. "And good looking, too?"

"Momma," Jared complains, shooting her a glare.

She laughs softly. "What, baby?"

"We're just friends," he insists. 

"I never said otherwise. So, _is_ he good looking?"

Jared rinses off a plate and groans. "Yes," he finally answers and feels his face heat up even more.

When he came out to his parents, they'd needed some time to get used to having a gay son. He remembers how tense things had been between them for a couple days, neither he nor his parents sure what to say, how to handle the situation. He'd wanted for nothing else but his parents to still love him, still look at him and see nothing but their son, Jared, instead of their gay son, Jared. 

He wishes they hadn't adjusted quite so well now and then immediately feels guilty for thinking that. He knows, through all of this, he's been lucky and there are many guys who aren't as fortunate as he is. Jensen's parents are still struggling to adjust, and even if Jensen shrugs it off, claiming he's just happy that they didn't disown him, that they still love him, Jared knows it eats at him sometimes.

"I just want you to be happy, baby," his momma says and gives him a small, sad smile, touching his arm softly.

The thing is, Jared knows that if his mother could choose for him she would choose a girl, for no other reason than to shield Jared from any hurt and discrimination she knows he'll have to face.

The first time someone called him a fag, stumbling up on Jared and his boyfriend kissing in a dark alley behind the movie theater one night, he cried on his mother's shoulder, letting her run a hand over his head the way she had done when he had been a child, murmuring _'oh, baby'_ and _'we'll always love you'_ into his hair. When he had walked into the kitchen that night to get a glass of water before going to sleep, he had found his father holding his mother as she cried.

Yeah, he thinks and puts the last plate into the rack to let it dry, he really is one lucky bastard.

"I know you do, momma. Thank you," he replies and adds, "for everything."

 

*

 

"Jared," Megan exclaims before she barrels into his room without knocking. 

"Jesus, Meg, knock the next time, would you?" He pulls down his sweater and smoothes down his still damp hair. "I told you I'd come back down after I took a shower."

She rolls her eyes. "Just wanted to tell you someone's on the phone for you."

Jared looks at her empty hands and back to her face. "Well, where's the phone then?"

"Momma has it. I think it's that Jensen guy; she's bonding with him over the phone," Megan says with glee in her voice.

Jared groans and pushes past his sister. "I swear, this family is driving me crazy," he mutters under his breath.

"Bullshit. You love us, JT," she teases and laughs when Jared glares at her.

His mother is in the living room, talking animatedly over the phone and Jeff and his father are sitting on the couch across from her. They both grin at Jared with amusement when he skids into the room.

"I think she's one second away from adopting your friend," Jeff laughs and Jared longs to flip him off. He settles for the same glare Megan received just moments before instead.

"Momma," he says impatiently, holding out his hand.

"Oh," she says and smiles at him. "Jared's here and wants to talk to you, Jensen." She listens, waving Jared off when he opens his mouth to protest again. "Yes. Thank you. You have a wonderful Christmas, too, honey."

Jared huffs and Jeff starts laughing loudly. 

"Here," his mother says and hands him the phone. 

Jared grabs it quickly and leaves the room. "Jensen?" he asks into the phone.

"Hey, Jay. Merry Christmas."

"Thanks. You, too. And sorry about my mom, she can be little… enthusiastic," Jared mumbles as he walks up the stairs. Megan passes him and chuckles.

"She's nice. I like her, man," Jensen replies, sounding amused. "So, how's your Christmas? San Antonio treating you okay?"

Jared plops onto his bed. "Yeah, 's nice. Good food, presents, sleep."

"No annoying roommate," Jensen adds.

"Speak for yourself. Chad is a good guy." Jared has stopped counting how often he has to say the latter. Chad isn't good at first impressions, and Jared hasn't yet giving up defending him.

"I'll trust your judgment on that one, Jay. You're the one living with the guy."

"Yeah." Jared closes his eyes and listens to Jensen's breathing over the phone, feeling a sudden rush of longing.

"So, I was thinking maybe we could get together when we get back?" Jensen asks. 

"Sure," Jared answers easily. 

"Okay. Good." Jensen sounds relieved, as if he expected Jared not to want to hang out with him and Jared frowns. "Listen, Jay, my mom's calling me, so I gotta go. But I'll see you when we get back, all right?"

"Yeah. Later, Jen."

"Later," Jensen says, his voice low and soft, and hangs up.

Downstairs, Jared hears Megan and his father laughing. He lays down on his bed and sighs, closing his eyes. He can almost pretend feeling Jensen's warm body next to him, their thighs pressed together.


	3. Chapter 3

"Jensen wants you to call him or drop by his room," Chad says as a way of greeting when Jared drags his luggage in. 

Jared lets everything drop to the floor with a heavy thud. "My Christmas was great, Chad, thanks. Yours?" 

Chad rolls his eyes and lies back on his bed. "Don't be a drama queen, Padalecki. It looks ridiculous on someone your size," he says with a smirk. "And I thought you'd want to know that your boyfriend is looking for you."

"Stop calling him that," Jared answers indignantly, and really, some day he will have to learn to ignore all of Chad's stupid comments.

Chad snorts. "Whatever, dude. Aren't you gonna run over to his room now and see what he wants?"

Jared glares at Chad, who isn't even looking at him anymore. He really wishes he could just stay where he is, just to prove Chad wrong, but he's been thinking about seeing Jensen again the whole drive back and he really doesn't feel like waiting another few hours just to save his pride.

"Asshole," he mutters under his breath, walking to the door.

"And Jay," Chad calls out just as he's about to close the door. "I had a great Christmas, too."

Jared chuckles to himself, pulling the door shut behind him and quickly walking the short distance to Jensen's room at the end of the hallway. 

Jensen looks surprised when he opens his door and then grins widely, pulling him into a quick hug. Jared rest his chin on Jensen's shoulder and for a short moment closes his eyes, enjoying the warmth of Jensen's arms around him.

"It's good to see you again," Jensen says, and ushers him into the room.

"You, too." Jared sits down on Jensen's bed, pushing his shoes off with his feet before he pulls them up. "My family says hi, by the way. My momma's hi is actually heartfelt; she even sent you some cookies back, but they're still in my room. The rest of my family, I think, was just making fun of my mother."

Jensen laughs, squatting down by a still packed duffle bag and rummages around in it. "Tell her thanks," he says, as he pulls out a package. He joins Jared on the bed and hands it to him.

It's a small, uneven present, wrapped neatly in black wrapping paper and red ribbon. "What is that?" Jared asks and stares down at it.

"My Christmas present for you." Jensen gives him a smile and nudges him. "Open it."

"But I didn't get you anything." Jared frowns. "I didn't know we were doing presents, man."

"We weren't. Don't worry, I just saw it and thought of you, so I bought it. It's nothing special."

Jared looks back down at the present, light and small, and back to Jensen. "I feel stupid for not getting you something now."

"Jared," Jensen says with a huff. "Just open the present, will ya?"

Jared rolls his lip in and slowly pulls first the ribbon off and then peels back the wrapping paper, revealing a thin, black leather strap. 

"It's a bracelet," Jensen explains and reaches for it. "I told you, nothing special."

"It is," Jared insists, smiling widely. "It looks cool." 

Jensen reaches for his left hand and wraps the cord around it twice before fastening the clasp. He tugs it around a little. "There ya go," he says.

The leather feels a little stiff against his skin, unfamiliar, and Jared's heart beats faster, because it's something that Jensen gave him; something Jensen saw and thought Jared might like. It's ridiculously pathetic to be that touched by it, after all it's not meant to be a declaration of undying love, but if someone asked Jared right now, he'd probably say it's the best present he ever got.

And that is a testament to the fact that Jared is in way too deep. Jensen is his friend, his friend who is seeing someone else and even if he wasn't, it wouldn't mean he'd ever return Jared's feelings. But Jared doesn't know how to stop, how to look at Jensen and not feel as if his world spins off its axis. 

Jared recalls one of Jeff's girlfriends from a few years ago, a girl who kept playing with Jeff, leading him on and even if he knew better, knew she wasn't really interested in him, he kept going back for more. Jared remembers overhearing a conversation between Jeff and his momma, remembers Jeff saying he loved her and his mother told him that sometimes love wasn't healthy. Her words echo in his head now. Maybe, he thinks, that's what things are like with Jensen. Unhealthy.

Even _Sophia_ wants him to move on, and Jared wishes he could. He wishes he could have given one of those guys Sophia and Sandy set him up with a real chance. Knowing the two of them, all of the guys they introduced him to were probably awesome, the kind of guys he'd date if things were different. But they aren't and none of them could compare to Jensen, who's everything Jared wants a boyfriend to be, and then some.

It's hard to move on from someone like that.

 

*

 

Jared stretches, watching Tom doing the same across from him. 

It's clear and sunny outside, but still chilly and early enough that most students are in bed, enjoying their Sunday morning and leaving the campus all but deserted. This is Jared's favorite time to run, when it's quiet and peaceful.

Tom and he set an easy stride, jogging next to each other in comfortable silence, leaving the campus behind them.

An hour later, they stop in front of the coffeehouse. Jared's calves are burning nicely and he feels pumped with energy.

"Let's grab a coffee," he says, nodding towards the door.

Tom tugs at the neckline of his hoodie and peers through the windows. "Sure, okay," he agrees.

Jared smirks, his eyes drawn to Tom's neck and the half hidden hickey there. "Someone you want to avoid?" 

Tom cuffs him in the side as he pushes the door open. "No. I just don't want everyone to see it."

"Who'd you get it from anyway?" Jared asks as he playfully shoves Tom back. "Didn't know you were seeing someone."

Tom gives him an assessing look and then smiles. "You like those frothy, sugary things, don't you?" He doesn't wait for Jared to answer and walks up to the counter.

Jared follows and sighs loudly. "Nobody ever tells me anything," he complains. Tom orders their drinks and Beth, the girl behind the counter, waves at Jared.

"And I'm starting to feel like the only one who's still single. Please tell me you won't start making out in front of me the whole time the way Soph and Chad do."

Tom chuckles. "Don't worry, not going to happen. I'm not _really_ seeing anyone. Sophia and Chad are the only ones who aren't single, so stop moaning about it."

"Sandy started seeing someone back home over the holidays," Jared corrects him. "And Jensen," he adds, "has Andrew."

"They broke up," Tom says offhandedly as Beth hands them their drinks. Tom passes Jared his and turns.

Jared stares at the back of Tom's head and then quickly walks after him, stumbling into a chair on the way. "W-what?" 

Tom sits down at the table in the back and frowns. "I thought he'd have told you already," he says with a shrug. "They broke up right before Christmas."

Jared plops down. "But. Why?"

"It's not like they were the next golden couple," Tom snorts with a shrug. "Just didn't work out."

It might mean nothing, he tells himself, trying not to get his hopes up. Jensen's still just his friend, only now he's his friend who's no longer in a relationship. 

Jared stares at the latte in his hand and his eyes catch sight of the black bracelet wrapped around his wrist. 

 

*

 

Jared peels the wet towel away from his hand and flexes it carefully. There's an angry red mark and a slight burning pain, but he figures it's nothing he'll be dying of.

"How bad is it?" Sophia asks as she brushes past him.

"It's okay. I'll see if I can find some cream or something to put on it and I'll be as good as new."

Sophia reaches out and carefully examines his hand. "You should stay away from the coffee machine," she chides. "Your sole responsibility will be serving pie and wiping the counter from now on."

Jared pulls his hand back. "It's not that bad. It was just a minor accident."

She rolls her eyes and swats his arm. "This time, klutz boy."

Jared sticks his tongue out and presses the towel back to his hand. "Just for that I should leave you alone with the masses and go back to the dorm." He rotates his shoulder lazily and suppresses a yawn, looking around the mostly empty coffeehouse. "It actually sounds like a good idea. I could just go to bed and sleep till tomorrow."

"You have a class at five," she reminds him.

"Prof's sick."

Sophia looks at him with startled, wide eyes. "Really? So you'll be at your dorm?"

Jared frowns at her. "Uh, yeah. I kind of live there, you know."

"Oh." Her face falls and she turns back around.

Jared groans. "You and Chad had plans, didn't you? Plans that required for me not to be there. Which I so don't want to hear any further information on, by the way," he rushes the last bit out and watches the back of Sophia's neck flush a soft pink. "I'll just go hang out somewhere else then."

"I feel bad for constantly kicking you out of your room," she mumbles, giving him a guilty look.

"Don't worry. I'll go and annoy Jensen or something," he assures her and waves at two girls leaving, who, according to Sophia, were checking him out the whole afternoon.

"You don't have to. We could all just watch a movie; invite Jensen, too," she suggests.

Jared shakes his head. "Seriously, it's no problem. You two can have the room to yourselves," he assures her and hopes Sophia doesn't see the face he makes at the thought. He's become pretty good at blocking out all the things Sophia and Chad do in their room.

 

*

 

"Here it is!" Jensen exclaims, holding up a small tube triumphantly. He sits down on the bed next to Jared and pulls Jared's hand onto his lap.

Jared watches him apply cream to the red skin carefully. "Am I hurting you?" Jensen asks.

Across the room, Jensen's roommate makes a soft noise. Jared looks up and finds him glaring at them. As always. "Uh, it's fine," he mumbles and averts his eyes, watching Jensen rubbing the lotion into his skin.

"So Chad and Soph kicked you out of your room again?" Jensen asks, his hand leaving Jared's. 

"I went willingly. I don't wanna be around for that." Jared grimaces and Jensen laughs.

"I'm not leaving the room so the two of you can fuck," Richard mutters, his glare intensifying.

Jared frowns and Jensen screws the cap back onto the tube and throws it aside, a grin on his face. "Remember to take that back with you. Your hand should be good as new before you know it."

"Did you hear me, Ackles?"

"Whatever, Richard," Jensen throws back and leans back against the wall, patting the space next to him. Jared scoots closer. 

When Jensen throws his arm around Jared's shoulders and tugs him closer, Richard's face turns to stone. Jensen's just teasing him, Jared knows that and he tells himself it's not meant to be anything else over and over in his head. It doesn't stop his stomach from doing summersaults.

When Jensen's thumb starts moving in slow circles over the line of skin where the neck of his hoodie stops, Jared thinks about dead puppies and his grandparents.

 

*

 

Jared nods halfheartedly, pretending to be listening to what Crystal, the girl living in the room next to Sophia and Sandy’s, is saying. He's also pretending he doesn't notice that she's flirting with him, her hand continuously brushing against his arm and her body angled in a way that her boobs are right _there_ whenever he looks down. She probably knows he's gay, since he's not making a secret out of it, and Jared hates girls who try to get in his pants anyway. There are few sentences he hates as much as _'Maybe you just haven't found the right girl yet'_.

The thing is, it's either talking to Crystal or standing in a room filled with people all on his own. Steve and Chris are throwing the party and Chad, Sandy and he are probably the only freshmen there. He has the distinct feeling that quite a few people aren't even in college anymore. And while Jared has no problem talking to random strangers, it seems these strangers have very little interest in a freshman.

He wishes he hadn't lost Chad and Mike in the crowd. Or that Tom would finally come. Or that Sophia, Sandy and Jensen would stop whispering in the far corner of the room. He would join them if he didn't have the suspicion that he's the topic of conversation. They keep throwing glances his way while talking intensely. 

Jared watches as Sophia slowly changes her stance, going from glaring at Jensen to smiling and pressing her hand to Jensen's arm. Jensen looks over his shoulder, right at Jared again and gives him a small smile. 

Jared waves shortly.

A hand wraps around the wrist of his other hand and he looks back down at Crystal looking up to him expectantly.

"Umm, sorry. What?" he asks.

She smiles indulgently. "I said, why don't you ask your boyfriend to join us?" 

"He isn't my boyfriend," he says, his voice cracking a little, and shakes his head. He wants to add that there's nothing to join.

She cocks her head. "He could still join us anyway," she suggests.

"I'm not-" he starts when he feels another hand on his arm.

"'Scuse me," Jensen says. "I need to talk to Jared for a minute."

Jared tilts his head and gives Jensen a grateful smile. Jensen looks a little nervous and he doesn't wait for Crystal to answer. He just slides his hand down Jared's arm and grabs his wrist, tugging until Jared follows him willingly.

Jensen leads them out the front door and down the driveway. They stop a few feet away from the house and Jared takes a deep breath of the cool air. Compared to the party, it suddenly seems eerily silent. "Everything okay?" he asks.

Jensen turns around to look at him. "Yeah, everything's fine." He runs a hand through his hair. "I just… needed to tell you something."

"Okay. What?" Jared looks at him, trying to read Jensen's face for clues. 

"I," Jensen starts. He hesitates, sighing in frustration and takes a sudden step forward, closing the gap between them. His hands cup Jared's face, pulling him down and crashing their lips together.

For a moment Jared freezes, trying to wrap his mind around the fact that Jensen is kissing him. And then Jensen opens his mouth under his and Jared moans softly, his hands reaching for Jensen's hips to pull him closer. 

Jensen's lips are soft, the pressure just right and his tongue feels hot and perfect when it slides into Jared's mouth. He smells like the cologne and detergent he uses, and tastes like beer and chewing gum. Jared can faintly feel Jensen's stubble against his skin, and every inch of him that is pressed against Jensen is warm. 

Kissing Jensen is so much better than he ever dared to imagine, uncoordinated and startling as it is.

Jensen pulls away, his hot breath fanning over Jared's lips and smiles. His hands are still framing Jared's face, one thumb rubbing lazily over his cheekbone. "Let's go back to the dorms," he suggests.

Jared feels his heartbeat speed up. "Yes," he says and presses his lips back to Jensen's.

 

*

 

Jensen kisses every inch of Jared's skin, leaving a damp, tingling trail down his stomach and then kisses Jared breathless as he stretches him carefully with well-lubed fingers.

By the time he presses a third finger into him, Jared is whimpering against his lips. He spreads his legs, welcoming the burn and rakes his fingers down Jensen's back. Jensen lifts his head up an inch, Jared's lower lip caught between his teeth, tugging playfully and grins. He crooks his fingers inside Jared, brushing against just the right spot. Their hard cocks grind together, making heat pool in Jared's stomach and he feels dizzy with adrenaline, and want, and the slowly settling realization that this is really happening.

"Jen," he moans. "Please. Just. I want you inside." 

Jensen groans and pulls away, carefully pulling out. He looks down at Jared, eyes dark and palms Jared's cheek with one hand. "Jay," he mumbles, voice hoarse and smiles. He kisses Jared, slow and deep before pulling away.

Jared rolls the condom Jensen passes him down Jensen's cock, fingers fumbling with the latex nervously and then spreads lube over it, anticipation rushing through him. Jensen gives him a small smile, running his hand down the inside of Jared's thigh. "Fuck, Jay," he says in a low voice, and Jared grins.

"Yeah," he agrees.

When Jensen pushes in, Jared wraps his legs loosely around Jensen's waist, bites his lip and feels like his heart might explode. It burns and stings and it's probably the best feeling in the world, being filled and stretched, having somebody else inside of you.

Above him, Jensen is breathing harshly, hair damp and eyes gleaming. He rests one hand on Jared's thigh, braces himself with the other, and begins thrusting. 

"God, Jared," he mutters. "So fucking good."

Pleasure ripples through Jared, hot and electric. He arches up into Jensen, meets his thrust. 

Jensen slides in and out rhythmically, nudging Jared's prostate. He kisses Jared, swallowing his moans and Jared fists one hand Jensen's short hair, deepening the kiss, and slides his other hand down Jensen's back. He feels the heated, sweaty skin, feels the muscles ripple with every movement.

He's spent months dreaming about this, fantasizing. Finally having Jensen on top of him, inside him, feels almost surreal. Like he has everything he ever wanted and life couldn't possibly get any better.

 

*

 

Sunlight shining through the half closed curtains right onto his face wakes him up. The room is bright and quiet. Jensen is warm against him, his back to Jared's chest, and breathing evenly. 

Jared glances at the bed across the room, finding it empty, Chad absent. Jensen shifts, his ass brushing against Jared's dick and a deep moan escapes Jared. He leans down, Chad momentarily forgotten and nuzzles Jensen's neck.

"Jay," Jensen mumbles, and reaches back with one arm, resting his hand on Jared's hip.

"Good morning," Jared whispers, and presses a kiss to the soft skin behind Jensen's ear. Jensen rolls around and blinks sleepily, grinning.

"Morning," he echoes, and pulls Jared into a slow kiss, his eyes still half closed. He slides one leg between Jared's and tangles them together lazily, his hand sliding to Jared's back. 

Jared thinks he could get used to waking up like this for the rest of his life. He feels as if his heart stops for a second and then it picks up again, twice as fast, when he realizes just how true that statement is. Now that he's been with Jensen, knows what it feels like to have him this close, he wants this more than ever, for as long as Jensen will let him. Considering Jensen's tongue is currently moving over Jared's and there's dried come on both of their stomachs, Jared's ass pleasantly sore, Jensen doesn't seem averse to that idea. At least Jared hopes he does, hopes Jensen knows that Jared wants more than this, wants it all.

Jensen arches against him, their hard cocks sliding together and Jared moans. 

Men just act, rushing into things head first, without thinking or talking about it, his momma used to say, usually when Jeff was rushing into yet another relationship or when his dad had done something to piss her off. "Don't do that, JT, it'll only get you in trouble," she told him.

"Something wrong?" Jensen murmurs against his mouth, his fingers tracing Jared's spine.

Jared blinks, moving his body with Jensen's, slow and languid. "No," he lies, and kisses Jensen again.

 

*

 

Jared's adding caramel to a tall latte with whipped cream, making sure it swirls over of the cream perfectly, when the door to Mary's Coffeehouse opens with a chime. He glances over his shoulder and sees his friends pile in together, laughing. 

He waves, nodding when Sandy points to an empty table in the front, and hands the customer his drink, smiling. "Here you go, man."

"Thanks, Jared. See you in class tomorrow," the guy says and gives him a wide grin. Jared nods, and pretends he knows what class the guy is talking about and who he is anyway. 

"Hi," Jensen smiles as he walks up and leans against the counter. "Chad wants to know if he can get a cappuccino on the house."

Jared snorts. "No way. He got a raspberry muffin on the house yesterday. He has to pay sometimes."

Jensen chuckles. "I'll tell him. When's your shift over?" 

Jared glances at his watch and shrugs. "Whenever Beth gets here. Which should have been five minutes ago."

"Jared!" Chad exclaims and slaps Jensen on the shoulder as he joins them, ignoring the grimace Jensen makes. "We need food and drinks, my man."

"You're paying this time," Jared answers with a pointed glare.

Chad scowls. "I think we need to talk about the meaning of friendship again, Jay."

Jared rolls his eyes. "As long as you'll pay. Now, what does everyone want?"

"Two tall lattes, one cappuccino, one americano, one hot chocolate. I have no clue what Jensen wants. He rushed over here before we even found a table."

"Black coffee," Jared replies before Jensen can.

Chad rolls his eyes. "Whatever. We want pie, too. And cookies. And muffins," he lists and leans against the counter, tapping his fingers on top of it.

Jared frowns. "I'll bring you guys everything when it's done. You don't have to wait, man."

Chad looks back and forth between them and then shrugs. "Fine."

Jared gives Jensen a smile and turns around, busying himself with fixing the drinks. He can feel Jensen's eyes on him, his neck tingling. His cheeks heat up a little, and he tries to act casual. 

He sets a cup of coffee in front of Jensen. "On the house," he adds, and Jensen reaches for the cup, their fingers brushing together.

"Thanks, Jay."

Jared smiles at him. 

He's made all the drinks and is putting a variety of pies onto a plate when Beth rushes in. She apologizes to him profusely and Jared waves her off. 

"It's a slow day anyway," he tells her and rounds the counter. Jensen and he carry the drinks and pastries over to the tables their friends occupy. 

They sit down in the two empty chairs next to each other, Sophia winking at him as she pours sugar into her latte. Jared flashes her a grin.

He listens halfheartedly to Sandy and Mike debating the merits of blueberry raspberry pie versus coconut cream pie. Sandy argues that berries balance out all the sugar and Mike scoffs.

"It's pie. It's not supposed to be healthy, it's supposed to be sinful, baby," he shoots back and Jared snorts, bringing a forkful of apple pie to his mouth. He moans exaggeratedly around it and Mike points at him. "Just like that! Thank you for your support, Jay man."

Jensen laughs and reaches up, wiping a few crumbs and whipped cream from the corner of Jared's lips. Jared tilts his head, meeting Jensen's eyes. They smile at each other and Jensen licks his finger clean.

"Dude," Chad exclaims, and Jared tears his eyes away from Jensen. Chad is watching them with a wide, surprised expression. "You two finally stopped pussyfooting around each other?"

"Shut up," Jared mutters. He can see Sophia and Sandy trying to hide their grins. 

"That means I won't have to listen to you moan and bitch anymore now that you're getting some from Jared, Jenny?" Mike cackles and Tom slaps him upside the head.

"So?" Chad prompts and flicks a few crumbs at Jared. "I want details, man. Not sex details, cause that'd be gross and I really don't need the image of the two of you fucking stuck in my head. But I want to know who finally stopped running for coward of the year, cause I got money riding on that."

"You're an ass, Chad," Sophia chides and slaps his arm. "Just be a decent friend for once."

"Ow," he whines and glares at her. "I was showing interest!"

"Whatever." She rolls her eyes.

"I am. Aren't I, Jay?"

"Sure," Jared answers with a nod. The rest of the table snorts and Chad sighs.

"They just don't get how deep and beautiful our friendship is," he complains. "Now, I'm still waiting for the details."

Jared avoids everyone's eyes and shrugs, picking up his mug.

"Just happened," Jensen mumbles.

"Leave them alone, Chad," Sophia admonishes and luckily, Chad does, but not before giving Jared a raised eyebrow. 

Jared shrugs, suddenly a bit uncomfortable, and feels relieved when everyone moves on to other topics. 

 

*

 

Jared raises one hand, ready to knock on the door when he hears the sound coming from inside the room. A deep, loud moan.

He frowns and rolls his lower lip into his mouth, biting down on the flesh. It's none of his business, he tells himself and then steps closer anyway. He looks down the hallway, finds no one there, and tilts his head against the door. 

Another noise – definitely Tom. Definitely Tom having sex with someone. Loudly. Who would have thought Tom would be that vocal? 

Jared suppresses a grin. This is a golden opportunity to find out who it is Tom has been seeing. Jared has begged and pleaded and tried to use the puppy eyes, but Tom refused to tell him who it was. He even tried asking Jensen, who just grinned widely and shrugged. And Jared can't help it if he's curious by nature. If nothing else, this could be blackmailing material for months. 

What makes it even better is that Jared actually has an excuse to knock. Mike borrowed his Lord of the Rings DVD set a couple of weeks ago and Jared really needs it back. Well, maybe need is a little exaggerated, but it definitely warrants knocking and then pretending he has no idea what Tom was doing in his and Mike's room. 

Grinning, Jared raises his hand and pounds against the door. He listens closely, hears the muffled noises and then silence. Tom's probably trying the whole pretending not to be there and hopefully whoever it is will just go away routine. He knocks again. 

There's a crashing noise from inside the dorm, the a moment of silence before then Tom throws the door open, flushed and annoyed.

Jared grins widely. "Finally! I was starting to think there was nobody here," he lies smoothly. "Is Mike here? He borrowed a DVD from me and I kinda need that back."

Tom frowns and runs a hand over his face. Jared pretends not the notice the rumpled clothes, the way his shirt is inside out. 

"Give me a sec. Umm, what DVD?"

"Lord of the Rings," Jared replies and glances past Tom into the room. "Jen's waiting for me."

"Right," Tom says and remains where he is, shielding Jared from the room. He cranes his head back. "Mike, get Jared his DVD."

"Hot date with Jenny?" Mike cackles from the background, and Jared hears him moving around. His jaw drops open and he quickly composes himself before Tom turns his head back around.

"Umm, just hanging out," he answers, and thinks _Jesus fucking Christ_. Because Mike is in the room. The room where Tom was just having loud sex. Either those two are kinkier than Jared ever imagined, not that he imagined what either of their sex lives where like, or it was _just_ Mike and Tom in there. Having sex.

Mike steps into view, looking just as disheveled as Tom, and hands him the DVD set. "Here. Have fun with your boy. And tell him his ass better be here tomorrow, I wanna see the look on his face when his Mavs are getting their asses kicked."

Jared nods dumbly and grabs the DVDs. "Thanks. Umm, bye. Have… fun," he mutters and waves quickly before fleeing.

_Mike and Tom._

 

*

 

Jared silently eats the pizza Jensen got and downs a whole bottle of coke. Jensen has one hand resting on his thigh, his finger tracing a pattern over the seam of his jeans and Jared really tries to keep quiet, to enjoy this.

Jensen loves Lord of the Rings and Jared doesn't want to ruin the movie for him, but he's itching to ask Jensen about Mike and Tom. If anyone knows any details, it's Jensen.

He makes it to the hobbits reaching the Weathertop. Which is pretty impressive considering his tendency to not keep a single thing to himself, he supposes, and feels a little less guilty when he turns his head away from the screen. "Jen?"

Jensen makes an affirmative noise but keeps his eyes glued to the TV. 

"I kinda walked in on Tom and Mike. I think."

Jensen lets out a startled snort and turns sideways, glancing at Jared. "You what?"

"I was getting the DVDs, 'cause Mike had them. I thought Tom was getting it on with some girl or something, because I could, ya know, hear him. But apparently he was getting it on with Mike," he rushes out and frowns. "Mike, Jensen. Crazy, annoying, strange Mike."

"You like Mike," Jensen replies and slaps his chest. "Stop being grossed out by this. How's Tom fucking some girl better than someone you actually like?"

"Mike," Jared repeats, as if that should say it all. Jensen is acting way too unimpressed. "Why didn't you tell me those two have a thing?"

"They don't," Jensen shrugs and reaches for the remote. He lowers the volume with a sigh. "They're best friends and they fuck sometimes when both of them are single," he says casually.

"But," Jared starts and fiddles with the hem of his shirt, unsure what to say. "Huh."

"They've been doing that since they've known each other," Jensen adds. 

Jared makes a noncommittal noise and turns back to the TV, frowning. Fuck buddies then, he thinks. Which he is totally fine with if that's what makes them happy. Jared has just always doubted these things can work out. Feelings always get in the way; if you're lucky the feelings are mutual. 

If they're not, you're screwed.

One of Jensen's hands slide under his shirt and Jared wills the frown off his face. Jensen cups his cheek, and Jared lets him tilt his face, bringing their lips together. They kiss languidly, Jensen's tongue stroking over his, the screeching sounds of Aragorn fighting off the Nazgûl in the background.


	4. Chapter 4

"When are you going to bring that boy home?" Jared's mother asks, stopping Jared mid-ramble about Professor Pollard, who's an absolute dick, though Jared phrased it differently for his mom, but fantastic at teaching. Jensen loves him, keeps singing him praises, but Jared can't get over the fact that the guy is still a dick. He's convinced Pollard hates him with a passion that's completely unjustified and he bleeds all over Jared's homework with an angry red pen, seeing something wrong in every single sentence Jared writes. According to Jensen, that means the guy actually likes Jared and sees potential in him, but Jared's reached the point where he'd rather be a potential-free student.

"What?" he asks, pretending he doesn't know what his mother is talking about.

"Jensen. When are you bringing him home?" she repeats, sounding a little exasperated. 

Jared rubs a hand over his eyes and grimaces. "I don't know," he mumbles. "It's just… we're in the middle of a semester, momma. There's homework and studying."

"Jeff finds the time to come home over the weekends. He brought his new girlfriend home last week."

"I know. You told me all about how great she is. But, just, right now's not a good time," he insists.

His mom doesn't reply for a moment, the silence hanging between them before she goes on, her voice just a little tighter. "So, your other classes. They're still fun, honey?"

Jared lets out a soft sigh of relief. "Yeah," he tells her. "They're great." He tries to sound extra cheery, tries to ignore the tension in his mother's voice. 

It's not the first time she asked him to bring Jensen home. Far from it, actually. He knows it's not going to be the last time either, because she's the kind person who doesn't back down until things go her way. And Jared honestly wants to bring Jensen home and he knows Jensen would like his family.

They might have their quirks, and he knows sometimes they're a little hard to handle. Especially since they're all rather protective of one another and Jared knows if he ever brought someone home who wasn't good enough for him, his family would scare him off in a heartbeat. The average Padalecki height of way-too-tall certainly comes in handy sometimes. But he knows that's not going to be a problem, because his mom already loves Jensen, thinks Jensen is the best thing that could have happened to him, and nobody in the family would dare to contradict her. 

The problem is, bringing someone home implies certain things. Bringing a boyfriend home means you want your family to meet him because you plan on him being a permanent fixture in your life.

Which definitely _is_ Jared's plan, but he's still not sure if his and Jensen's plans align. Actually, he's becoming more and more unsure with every day that passes, because neither of them have actually said a word about the new status of their relationship. Everyone thinks they're a couple. _Jared_ thinks they're a couple. He just doesn't know if Jensen thinks of them as the 'bringing him home to meet the family' kind of couple.

It's one of those things where you don't know how to talk about it, so you let it drag for a few days and then a few more and before you know it, so much time has passed that there's just no right moment to bring the subject up anymore. Not without risking things getting completely awkward anyway. 

Jared would ask Steve and Chris, or maybe even Mike, but he's not sure either of them would tell Jared anything. They're all fiercely loyal to Jensen. And they probably would tell Jensen about Jared asking them and that would be embarrassing as hell.

He's not really sure what to do. Jensen makes him feel like an insecure teenager, yet like Jared can conquer the world as long as he has Jensen by his side, all at the same time. It's a strange, exhilarating mix, and Jared knows he’s drowning more and more in his feelings for Jensen as the days drag on, and it's driving him crazy not knowing if those feelings are mutual. 

It seems that, while he can talk to Jensen about basically everything, their relationship is the one thing he can't bring himself to talk about.

 

*

 

It figures that it's on a day like this, when it's just Jared, that the coffeehouse is packed. Sophia's late, and she's never been late since Jared started working at Mary's, and Beth had to leave for an appointment the second her shift ended, leaving Jared alone.

He gives a tight smile to the guy getting drinks for four people at a table in the corner who’re making enough noise for at least ten. Of course, all of them want something with extra whipped cream, or extra caramel, or something else extra that takes up Jared's time. Nobody seems to drink simple freaking coffee anymore. 

"Can I have a slice of blueberry pie and an iced latte?" The girl gives him a wide smile and twirls a strand of blonde hair around her finger, squinting at his nametag. "Jared."

"We're out of blueberry pie, sorry," he answers and forces out a smile.

"Oh. What other pies do you have then?"

Jared grits his teeth and takes a slow, deep breath. There's a board _right_ behind him listing all the pies they have today. It's right next to a list of drinks and muffins. Still people keep asking _him_ instead of just reading the damn thing. He wonders if they're all just stupid, or blind, or just too lazy to read themselves when they have people like Jared who can do that for them.

"Apple pie, chocolate pie, coconut cream pie, key lime pie," he lists, forcing himself to sound friendly. It's really not her fault that she's annoying him. If he's honest, he usually doesn't mind, but there's a freaking line the size of Texas right behind her and Sophia apparently dropped off the side of the earth.

She makes a non-committal sound and tilts her head. "Hmm. A raspberry muffin then."

_Of course,_ Jared thinks to himself and nods curtly before he goes about fixing her iced latte. 

He's handing the girl her change when Sophia comes rushing in, looking haggard. "Sorry," she mumbles.

"You okay?" Jared asks as he watches her pull her hair into a messy tail. She glances at him and he can see her eyes are red-rimmed. "Soph?"

"It's nothing." She smiles tightly before turning to face the next customer. Jared wants to say something, but there's a line of people and Sophia doesn't look like she _wants_ to talk. He sighs and grabs a rag.

Two hours later things start slowing down, and Jared's mood hasn't improved one bit. He spilled coffee on his pants, and that's really the last pair of clean jeans he has, a girl dropped her plate with pie and, of course, whipped cream and he had to clean up a big, sticky mess while three guys from one of his classes sat at the next table, watching and laughing. Sophia hasn't said anything non-work-related to him and hasn’t even looked him in the eye.

He leans against the counter and rubs his neck tiredly. "Okay, Sophia, stop," he finally mutters and shoots her a pointed look.

"Stop what?" she asks and fiddles with the mugs. 

"This." He gestures around them vaguely. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she insists.

Jared groans and pushes himself away from the counter. "Chad?" he guesses, and grabs a plate, loading a piece of chocolate pie onto it.

Sophia watches him with a frown as he adds whipped cream to his plate and reaches for a fork. "You're paying for that," she says, and he shrugs. "And chocolate pie? What happened to your lifelong commitment to that apple pie?"

Jared gives her a wry grin. "Today sucked. On days like this you need chocolate pie, because it's universally known that chocolate fixes everything." 

Sophia lets out a deep sigh. "Give me one, too, then."

Jared gives her one look, scooping pie into his mouth and then nods. "So, Chad?"

She shrugs and that's really all the confirmation he needs. "Were you with him on Saturday night?" 

Jared frowns and licks chocolate from the corner of his mouth. "I was with Jensen on Saturday. What did he do?" 

"My friend saw him at a bar, making out with some girl." 

"Soph," Jared says softly, and for once he really doesn't know what to say. He hands her his plate with the half eaten pie. "Man, I'm so sorry."

"You didn't know, right?" she asks, and gives him a pleading look.

"'Course not. I'd have kicked his ass." He watches as Sophia pokes the pie with the fork before scooping a little onto it.

"I just," she starts, and her shoulders drop. She puts the plate down onto the counter. "I just thought we were actually going somewhere."

Jared nods and slides his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into a hug. "I'm sure he's going to regret this. You were the best thing that ever happened to him," he says in a low voice, hoping it's soothing. 

She nods against his chest, and he hears a muffled sniffle. 

Jared loves Chad. Really. He's known the guy for less than a year, but Chad is already closer to him than most of his old friends back home and he'll probably spend the rest of his life defending Chad. Right now, though? Right now he wants to kick his ass. He hates that. Hates that when friends start dating and things go wrong, and don't they always, he ends up having to choose sides. There's no way he could ever choose between Sophia and Chad of all people. For a split second, he wonders what would happen if he and Jensen broke up. Who would choose his side and who Jensen's?

Sophia pulls away and rubs at the wetness on her cheeks. "He said he loved me," she mutters and then snorts. "And I really believed him."

"He does. He really does, Soph. But he's Chad, he's kind of an idiot."

She cracks a small smile. "Yeah. He is."

"Have you talked to him yet?" 

Sophia shrugs. "Kinda. He came to my room and, well, it didn't go over well. He used the whole _I was drunk_ excuse. Sandy completely flipped out on him and he left. I haven't seen him since. He's tried calling, but… I can't talk to him just yet."

"Think you're going to work things out, though?" 

She looks thoughtful for a moment, her eyes glimmering with fresh tears. "I don't know. It was just kissing. But still. He cheated. You're lucky, you know. With Jensen."

Jared looks down, avoiding her eyes for a moment before mustering up a smile. "Yeah?" 

"Of course. He'd never cheat. He's not that kind of guy."

"Yeah, I know," he mutters and keeps everything else he wants to say to himself. 

If the situation was any different, this would be the perfect time to ask Sophia about Jensen, talk about their relationship. But Sophia doesn't need to hear all about Jared's insecurities on top of having to deal with Chad right now, so Jared pushes all thoughts of Jensen out of his mind.

 

*

 

Jared pulls the door closed, heaving a big sigh. He's ready to just fall into bed, sleep for a decade and forget the day. 

"You okay?"

He jerks his head up, surprised and finds his bed is already occupied by Jensen, who's lying on top of the covers, reading a book that Jared suspects is probably his own.

"What are you doing here?" he asks, and starts moving again.

"Waiting for you?" Jensen gives him a quizzical look and turns onto his side. "Chad let me in. Dude looked like shit."

Jared toes off his shoes and pulls off his work shirt. It probably smells just as disgusting as Jared feels and he prays he still has at least a clean shirt somewhere in his closet. He really needs to do laundry. "Did he say anything?" Jared asks and pulls out an old shirt. It's all washed out, back from the phase when Jared thought wearing way too big shirts was cool. 

"About what?" Jensen asks and Jared turns back around with the shirt hanging off his hand. Jensen is watching him, a small smile on his face.

"Sophia and he had a fight. Or broke up." Jared shrugs and pulls on the shirt. It's still a little loose, but it's the best he can do now. "He kissed some girl Saturday night."

Jensen sighs and mentions for Jared to join him. "Fucking idiot," he mutters. Jared sits down on the edge of the bed, feels the heat coming off Jensen's body.

"She's really upset," he says, almost to himself and absently plays with a small hole in his jeans right above his knee, wondering if it's always been there and he just missed it. It's right underneath the coffee stain.

Jensen's hand settles onto his back warmly and strokes down his back slowly. "You okay, Jay?"

Jared cranes his neck back and gives him a small smile. "Sure. Just. Chad and Sophia, man. I don't wanna pick sides," he mumbles and shifts around, lying down.

Jensen cups his face with one hand and draws him closer. He kisses Jared, lips soft and perfect. "Nobody is asking you to," he says when he pulls away and rubs a thumb over Jared's cheekbone.

"It sucks though." Jared lets one hand rest high on Jensen's hip, his index finger brushing over the stripe of exposed skin where Jensen's shirt and jeans don't quite meet. 

Jensen's breath hits his face in barely there puffs and for a short moment, Jared lets his eyes slide close, focusing on nothing but feeling Jensen against him. He wishes it could always be like this, just the two of them, shutting out the outside world and everything that's nagging at Jared; where all that matters is that Jensen is there with him in that moment.

"It was bound to happen," Jensen muses and Jared's eyes flutter back open. He makes an inquiring noise and scoots a little closer, their knees brushing together. "Chad and Sophia," Jensen elaborated. "I mean, it's _Chad_ we're talking about here. And heartbreak's part of the whole college experience." There's a hint of amusement under Jensen's soft tone and Jared feels a sharp pinch in his stomach.

"Why would you say that?"

Jensen kisses him again. "Well, isn't it?" he asks. "Chad and Sophia breaking up. Tom is going on a date tonight."

"So?" Jared furrows his brows. "What has Tom going on a date to do with anything?"

"He's going on a date with a girl he apparently really likes. And Mike is just starting to realize that maybe he wants to be more than fuck buddies, which, of course, he hasn't told Tom." Jensen's hand slides down his arm, to the hem of his shirt and he pushes it up, hand splaying over Jared's skin.

Jared wants to say something to contradict Jensen's theory. More than anything Jared wants Jensen to say that Jared is not going to get his heart broken, not by him. Instead, he kisses Jensen, sliding his tongue past Jensen's lips and pulling their bodies together. Jensen rolls onto his back, pulling Jared with him. His free hand slides into the back pocket of Jared's jeans as he splays his legs open.

"Jared," he groans and pushes up against Jared's body. Jared trails kisses along Jensen's jaw, the stubble rough against his lips and tongue, and grinds down. It's the best way to forget everything else, wrap himself in the bubble that is them.

"You think Chad will be back any time soon?" he asks and tugs Jensen's shirt up.

Jensen snorts and helps him, shifting his body weight and urging Jared away to pull the shirt off completely. "Who cares?"

Jared grins down at him. "Chad will," he answers and strips off his own shirt. He doesn't leave Jensen time to reply, just pins him into the mattress and kisses him again. Jensen arches up into him, hooking one leg around Jared's waist. White heat rushes through him when their hips grind together and he moans into Jensen's mouth.

Jensen's finders dig into his waist almost painfully as they move together. He feels beads of sweat pooling at the small of his back, and he reaches between them, fumbling with Jensen's zipper.

Jensen lets out a small whimper, pushing into Jared's hands. "Fuck yeah, Jared," he mumbles.

Jared pulls Jensen's remaining clothes off, sitting on his haunches and tugging at the rough material, before making short work of his own jeans and briefs. 

He covers Jensen's naked body with his own, hard cocks pressing together between them and pleasure and need course through him. He fists his hand in Jensen's short hair as they kiss, bodies sliding together. Jensen is hot under him, skin smooth and damp with sweat and Jared runs his hand over every inch he can reach, wanting more.

"Jensen," he whispers into Jensen's skin.

"Lube," Jensen pants back and pushes Jared up with one hand on his chest. "Come on, lube and condom, Jay."

Jared looks down at him, takes in the swollen red lips and the dilated pupils, feels Jensen's hard dick against his stomach, leaving a trail of pre-come. _I fucking love you_ , he thinks and presses his lips together. 

"Yeah," he agrees, and turns his head away quickly. Fumbling around his nightstand, Jensen's hand rubbing small circles over his hip, he pretends it's arousal that's causing the tremor in his hand.

He brushes a small kiss against Jensen's lips before he flips open the lube, squeezing some onto his fingers. 

Jensen makes a soft, appreciating noise when Jared's first finger rubs over his hole and presses in slowly. That first moment of slipping into Jensen's body always leaves him a little in breathless, a little astonished still that he gets to do this, and with Jensen of all people. He works his finger around, feeling Jensen loosen up and urging him on for more.

Jared nibbles at the skin where Jensen's jaw and neck meet, tasting the salty skin there as he pushes a second finger into Jensen.

"God, Jen," he mutters, and Jensen pushes down on him. Jared twists his fingers, listening to the small gasps he elicits from Jensen.

"Come on. More, Jay."

Jared complies, adding a third finger. Jensen's tight, hot and Jared groans softly as he moves inside of him. Jensen buries one hand in his hair and twists his face around, pulling him into a kiss and rocking down on Jared's fingers slowly. 

They're both out of breath when they part and Jared pulls out slowly. "Ready?" he asks, and grins down at Jensen.

Jensen cups his face with one hand. "Fuck yeah," he growls.

Jared rolls a condom onto his dick, spreads lube over it. He positions himself and Jensen hooks a leg around his waist as he pushes in. Tight heat envelops Jared's cock and he groans, grabbing Jensen's hip as he inches in, giving Jensen time to adjust slowly, muscles relaxing around him.

"So good," he mutters, and captures Jensen's lips in a kiss as he starts thrusting. 

His heart is beating out of his chest and he feels sweat slide down his temple as he pulls out and drives back in, his pace steady but fast. 

His muscles quiver and he feels his whole body straining for release, the soft moans and gasps Jensen makes only spurring him on. He angles his hips, trying to slide into Jensen in just the right way.

"Jared," Jensen groans and arches up. He reaches between them. Jared keeps his eyes locked on Jensen's face, sees the pleasure there and feels him jerk off between them, knuckles brushing against Jared's stomach. 

Their bodies move together, skin sliding against skin, wet with sweat and fingers digging into flesh, leaving marks, and their low grunts and moans the only thing filling the silence of the room.

Jared shudders, feels his balls draw up and pleasure pump through him when he comes. He hears Jensen call out his name through the haze of his orgasm, feels hot come splash onto his stomach.

He collapses forward and buries his face in Jensen's neck, damp and hot. Jensen tilts his head, and Jared feels his breath hit his forehead, Jensen's lips brushing softly against his skin. He rakes a hand through Jared's hair, pushing strands of it back.

He wishes he could stay here forever.

 

*

 

Jared holds up a shopping bag when Sophia opens the door. "Ice cream," he states and grins. "Chocolate with chocolate chips."

She laughs softly and steps aside. "You're the best, Jay."

"Jared!" Sandy exclaims and grins widely from Sophia's bed. "Berry or Desert Sunset?" she asks and holds up two bottles of nail polish, one red and one pink. Jared has no idea which is which.

"Uh, Berry," he decides, trying to look sincere and joins Sandy on the bed, watching her put the pink nail polish away and unscrewing the red one. Sophia flops down next to him and leans into him. 

Jared gets the ice cream tube out of the bag and retrieves three plastic spoons. Sophia grabs one and Sandy holds up her occupied hands regretfully.

"Got to feed me, big guy," she says in a teasing voice.

"So, any reason you're bringing us ice cream? Not that we're not entirely grateful." Sophia gives him a wide grin and digs into it.

Jared shrugs. "Just wanted to hang out, I guess."

Sophia hums around the spoon and gives him a raised eyebrow.

"Sophia isn't falling into depression over the asshole, if that's what you're worried about," Sandy says and opens her mouth, letting Jared feed her a spoon full of ice cream.

"I know. I'm living with Chad, remember?" Jared explains, giving Sophia a look, and spoons the sweet ice cream into his mouth. "He told me you two are talking again."

"Talking, yes. But not, you know, together again. I'm not sure I want to try again and even if I did, I'd let him suffer for a while."

"Sometimes I'm glad I'm gay," Jared teases and licks his lips.

Sandy snorts. "Sometimes I wish I was into girls," she counters. "Straight guys are idiots."

Jared watches her apply red color to her nails with careful concentration. The scent of the nail polish hangs heavily in the air and he gets up to open a window.

"So." Sophia gives him an assessing look. "Everything okay with you?"

Jared makes a quizzical noise the same time Sandy asks, "Why would there be something wrong with Jared?"

"Ice cream," Sophia says. " _Chocolate_. A very wise friend once told me chocolate fixes everything."

Jared sighs and plops back onto the bed between her and Sandy. 

"Uh-oh," Sandy mutters and screws the bottle shut, only one hand done. She turns to face him and crosses her legs. "Tell me you and Jensen aren't fighting."

"We're not," Jared says and looks down at his lap. 

"But this is about Jensen, right?" Sophia asks and Jared shrugs. "Ja-red."

"I just don't know," he starts and groans. "I mean. Are we even a couple?"

"Why would you _not_ be a couple?" Sandy asks after a short moment of silence and lays her hand onto Jared's arm. "You've been one for a couple of months now, why are you doubting that suddenly? Did he say something?"

"No. He's never said anything," Jared complains and grabs the ice cream again. "That's exactly it. We've just… we're the way we've always been, with the added bonus of sex and stuff. But that doesn't mean we're a couple."

"Where is this coming from?" Sophia asks. 

"Nowhere. It's been there from the start. I just thought eventually we'd talk about it. But we haven't. And I don't know what he's thinking and what he wants." Jared's always thought that just talking about something can actually make you feel lighter is bullshit, but that's exactly what it feels like as he rushes it all out. Like maybe not keeping it all in might actually be a step in the right direction.

"Jared, everyone with eyes can see that you two are more than friends. You're like the perfect couple, really," Sophia assures him.

"I don't know. We don't really do things couples do. I mean, we hang out and stuff, but we did that before."

"Why don't you just ask him then?" she asks.

Jared shoots her a look. "Right."

"She's right, Jay. If you want to know what he feels, ask him."

Jared groans. "I can't… guys just don't do that. They don't sit down and discuss their feelings."

"You're sitting here with us, discussing your feelings," Sandy says dryly and quirks an eyebrow.

"Well, Jensen and I don't. Maybe he's just interested in sex for all I know. What if I talk to him and he says 'Sorry, Jay, I never said this meant anything.'" He frowns and digs his spoon into the ice cream. 

"Come on," Sophia snorts and hits him. "That's not going to happen. Of course it means something, that's why you two got together in the first place. You must have talked about your feelings a little back then."

Jared gives her a sheepish look. "We didn't. And now we've been doing this for two months and I can't just suddenly bring this whole feelings thing up."

Sandy groans and Sophia gives him a disbelieving look. "You guys didn't talk at all? What, you just had sex that night after the party and that's that?"

Jared groans. "You make it sound stupid," he mutters. The ice cream container in his hand is damp by now, the ice cream soft and gooey, and his fingers are freezing cold. Jared frowns down at it.

"I take back what I said earlier. Apparently it's not just straight guys but all guys that are idiots," Sandy says with exasperation, but then she wraps her arm around Jared and pulls him close. Jared rests his head on her shoulder and hopes her nail polish won't end up anywhere on him. 

"You should talk to him, Jared," Sophia says again and lays a hand on his leg, squeezing. "And believe me, there's no way he's not in love with you."

 

*

 

Jared tries to talk to Jensen. He really does. But he doesn't know where to start, or when the time is right.

So far, all the times he tried felt wrong. Starting a conversation about your feelings while Jensen is kissing him and has a hand down his pants is clearly out. It's hard enough for them to be alone anyway, especially now that Chad and Sophia are over and Chad spends most of his time in their dorm again. He tries once while Jensen's with him at work but then someone orders a latte and that's that.

And Jared wants to bring it up casually, fit it into a conversation. There's no way he'll start it off with _we need to talk_ , because nothing good has ever come out of a conversation started that way.

And maybe, just maybe, Jared chickens out every time a good situation presents itself. 

 

*

 

Jared is standing in the aisle, listening to a little boy trying to talk his mother into buying him chocolate. He tilts his head and watches the boy pout, and the mother frowns and sighs, but gives in anyway. It reminds him a little of his own mother, and he feels a pang of homesickness before he turns away.

Gummi worms, bears, hearts, fish. Sour, not sour. His stomach grumbles and he grabs a bag of cherries and one of worms. 

"Got everything?" Jensen asks and strolls down the aisle, grinning. 

Jared shrugs. "I'm thinking something chocolate maybe. You want anything?"

Jensen holds up his hand. Condoms and lube. "Got everything I came here for."

Jared blushes and grins and then snaps his head around, relieved when he finds the woman and her son gone already. He walks down the aisle and halts in front of the cookies, looking them over.

From behind him, Jensen wraps his arms around his waist and presses his lips to the back of Jared's neck. "Hurry up. The store closes at 10."

Jared grabs chocolate cookies. "All right."

Jensen sighs and tightens his arms around Jared. "You know I was kidding, right? It's only 5. Buy all the candy your heart desires."

Jared turns around. "I know. I got everything I want though," he assures Jensen.

"Okay. Let's get drinks then. Coke?" 

"Sure."

Jensen slides his free hand into Jared's and bumps their shoulders together. "Is everything okay? You're quiet today."

"Yeah. Just… thinking about some stuff," Jared answers and hopes Jensen will let it slide. The supermarket definitely can't be considered the right place to ask your maybe boyfriend about his intentions.

"About?"

Jared sighs. "Nothing. Can we just get the drinks?"

Jensen is silent for a moment, walking next to him and Jared knows he's giving him one of those looks. The ones that mean _I'm gonna find out_ and _don't shut me out_ all at once. "You're not having trouble, are you? With your classes? Or is somebody bothering you?"

"Jen."

"What? Come on, talk to me, Jay," Jensen implores, his voice low and concerned, and halts. Jared comes to a stop as well, and turns to face Jensen.

He bites his lips. "I," he starts and snaps his mouth shut. "Steaks."

"What?" Jensen asks.

"We should go out. For steaks," Jared elaborates. "You and me."

Jensen furrows his brow. "Okay. We can do that. Tonight?"

"Yeah. Tonight," Jared confirms. "So, it's date?"

Jensen chuckles and nods. "It's a date, Jay." He gives Jared one last, confused look before kissing him softly. "Now, let's get something to drink."

A date. It's not talking about their relationship, but Jared figures it's a start.

 

*

 

Jared has been on exactly two dates in his life, not counting all those preteen play dates stuff. And both those dates had been with girls. One when he was starting to realize he was gay and wanted to go out with a girl just to figure out if he really wasn't interested in them. It wasn't really fair to the girl, who had looked at him hopefully whenever their paths crossed for the next two weeks – and then just glared at him for the following months. The second date, he knew he was gay, so he didn't really count that as a real date either. His parents were starting to wonder why he never went out and Jared wasn't anywhere near ready to come out to them, so he had taken a girl out. They were friends, and it was fun, but not real.

He and his boyfriend in high school never went out. Well, they hung out, occasionally just the two of them but there had been nothing romantic about it. Two high school boys from Texas, both in the closet – not exactly the making for them to have an actual date. 

Now he's taking Jensen to a steakhouse and he really doesn't know how to do this whole dating thing. A steakhouse is definitely classier than their usual hanging out spots, so Jared supposes he needs to at least put some effort into his appearance. 

"Should I wear a button-down?" he asks and frowns at his closet. He has three button-downs. One white, one black, one dark blue. Well, there's also a pink one that Jeff and Megan got him after he came out as a gag gift. It's bright pink, and though Jared wouldn't mind wearing it, and certainly has on more than one occasion, he's pretty sure Jensen would refuse to go out with him if he wore that.

"Jared," Chad groans. "I don't know. Wear whatever you like. Jensen won't care."

"Of course he'll care. We're going on a date, I gotta look presentable," Jared argues and shoots Chad a glare.

"My dad always says it's stupid to set goals you can't reach," Chad mutters and cackles loudly when Jared throws a sweater at him.

"Shut up, asshole." He rakes a hand through his hair. "Chad."

"What? I have no idea what you should wear, Jay man. You're gay, you're supposed to have fashion sense; it's not my fault you suck."

"I don't suck. I just don't know what to wear on a date. You've been on tons of dates, you should know these things," he insists and pulls out a pair of jeans. It's the best pair he has, the best pants he has in general since he doesn't even have dress pants. The only suit he owns is hanging in his closet at home.

"I know what kind of dates to take girls on when I want to score at the end of the night. You're already getting laid anyway. I don't know what to wear and how to behave on a date to impress your boyfriend," Chad says with a sigh, but pushes away from the desk he has been leaning against when Jared gives him a pointed look. He riffles through the shirts Jared has.

"You took Sophia on plenty of dates."

Chad shrugs. "Didn't get me very far. Obviously."

"I thought you were getting better?" Jared asks and bumps his shoulder against Chad's. "She hasn't forgiven you yet?"

"We're talking," Chad admits. "And that's great. But. So far, it's been nothing but friendship. She says she still needs time whenever I ask."

"Sorry," Jared says and Chad heaves a big dramatic sigh. He grabs the blue shirt and thrusts it at Jared.

"There. That'll bring your eyes out."

Jared frowns. "Really?"

"I don't know, but they always say that on TV." Chad shrugs with a smirk and ducks Jared's hand reaching out to hit him. He laughs and pushes Jared away. "Get dressed, you giant freak. Your boyfriend is waiting for you."

Jared glances at the watch and curses before rushing into the bathroom.

 

*

 

"Do you know what you want yet?" Jared asks and lowers the menu to look at Jensen. He resists the urge to wipe his hands on his jeans. He can't remember the last time he's been this nervous around Jensen, and he feels incredibly stupid for it. It's still Jensen, his best friend and they've been having sex for months. Sitting at the same table, eating steak shouldn't be anything to be nervous about. 

It doesn't make it any better that the date hasn't been much of a success yet. They were quiet in the car ride, their usual banter and conversation absent. Jared feels tense, unsure about what to say. 

"Yeah. Prime rib and sautéed mushrooms. You?" Jensen asks and puts the menu down.

"Um, prime rib sounds good. And a baked potato," Jared answers. His eyes flit over the menu again, considering onion rings, but he's pretty sure that falls under the category of _things not to eat on a date_. 

Jensen nods and they look at each other silently. The waitress coming over saves Jared from blabbering out something stupid, just to fill the silence. This really couldn't get any worse. At least his, or rather Chad's, fashion choice seems fine because Jensen is dressed similar in stone washed jeans and a white button down. It makes Jared feel marginally better to know at least one thing is right.

They order and the waitress gives Jensen a big smile, leaning towards him as he orders. Jared knows she's giving Jensen a spectacular view of her cleavage and she winks at Jensen when she turns to leave.

Jared frowns, watching her retreating back and the way she swings her hips as she walks. Apparently, things can get worse after all.

"So," Jensen starts and gives him a smile. "Umm. How're your classes?"

"Fine," he says. He racks his brain for something more to say, but Jensen helps him study from time to time, he knows everything about Jared's classes already. "Yours?"

"Good. They're… good." He grimaces and rubs a hand over his face. 

Jared nods slowly and licks his lips. He tries to remember what people talk about on dates in movies, trying to come up with anything to say that isn't lame. He really needs to join Sophia and Sandy when they watch their romantic comedies more often; people in those movies seem to have figured out how to do the whole date thing.

Glancing around the restaurant, he almost wishes for the waitress to come back. At least _she_ knows how to flirt with Jensen. There are three other couples at the tables around them, one family and what looks like a business dinner. All of them seem to have no problem coming up with things to talk about. 

Jared heaves a sigh. "We suck at this," he says softly.

Jensen laughs shortly. "We really do," he agrees.

Jared frowns and tells himself it's stupid to feel hurt. He's the one who said it, Jensen just agreed, but he still feels an uncomfortable weight settle in his stomach. He clenches his hands into fists under the table and hopes their food arrives soon so they can get out of here and forget they ever went on a date.

When they finally get ready too leave, a weird tension between them that's never been there before, the waitress slips Jensen her number. Jared glares at the back of her head as she walks away. He wants to grab the slip of paper and tear it up, even if he knows Jensen would never call her if only for no other reason than the fact that she's female. But he still feels upset about it anyway.

The night was supposed to go great. They were supposed to be happy and laughing. It certainly wasn't supposed to end with Jensen getting someone else's phone number and Jared getting nothing.

 

*

 

Sandy and Sophia's advice failed, because Jared just can't find out a way to talk to Jensen. The date failed, too. Jared wants to blame that on Chad's expertise on dating, but knows he can't.

Clearly though, he’s running out of friends to ask, so he turns to the one person he's always turned to since he was little. Jeff might have taunted and teased him like only big brothers could and they fought enough to drive their mother to the edge of despair, but Jared could always count on his big brother to help him when he needed him.

Granted, Jeff is definitely no expert when it comes to gay relationships and boyfriends, but Jeff has been in a few serious relationships. And Jared really doesn't know who else to go to. The next best option is probably his momma and there's no way Jared will talk to her. She's already planning his and Jensen's wedding after all, and he doesn't need to add a disappointed mother to the whole thing.

"Little brother," Jeff greets him when he picks up. "How's college life treating you?"

"Okay," Jared answers. "You?"

"Awesome. Sarah and I are doing great. And momma loves her," Jeff says, sounding pleased and genuinely happy. 

"She told me," Jared replies. "I'm happy for you, man." 

"And how's your boyfriend? Everyone wants to meet him, but you've been holding out on us, JT."

"That's kind of why I'm calling," Jared admits and sits down onto his bed. He fiddles with the bedspread.

"Does that mean you want to do the big family outing with me bringing Sar and you bringing Jensen, or does it mean I have to come to Austin and kick his ass?" Jeff asks in a gruff voice and Jared smiles a little, knowing that Jeff wouldn't think twice about actually doing the latter.

"Neither," he assures. "I just… don't know if I'll ever bring him home."

"Something wrong with the boy?"

Jared sighs. "The boy is older than you are, asshole," he mutters. "And there's nothing wrong with him. I just think maybe I've been reading too much into it."

"Really? You seemed happy before, Jay."

"Yeah. It's just… we're friends and we hang out and you know, do – stuff. But maybe we're not really _together_. We tried going onto a date and it really sucked."

Jeff sighed. "JT, one failed date doesn't mean you're suddenly not working out. Don't be an idiot. You've been with this guy for a couple of months now."

Jared runs a hand through his hair and worries his lower lip between his teeth. "But the date was my last resort. I wanted… I thought we should do something together. Something, ya know, couples do and it didn't work. So maybe we're just not compatible. Maybe he isn't interested in more than sex."

Jeff made a protesting noise. "You're my little brother, I don't want to think about you having sex."

Jared chuckles, feeling a little lighter despite everything, thinking about the face he knows Jeff is probably making. "Just wait until Megan has her first serious relationship."

"She won't," Jeff denies. "Now, back to you. If you're saying the guy's using you for sex, I'll kill him and hide his body where nobody'll ever find it."

"He's not using me," Jared protests. "We never talked about what we're doing."

Jeff stays silent for a short moment. "Jared Tristan, you're an idiot," he mutters. "Talk to him."

Jared groans. "Easier said than done," he says. 

"Little brother, listen to me, okay? Don't give up without even trying first, that's stupid. You were friends first."

"So?" Jared asks and lies back onto the bed. There's a stain on the ceiling straight above him and he tilts his head. It looks a little bit like a dog, if you squint right. He remembers the names Jensen helped him pick for his future dog and sighs. 

"Nobody risks a friendship just to get laid," Jeff tells him. "You're just too scared to ask him, JT."

"Am not," Jared argues, even if he knows he is.

Jeff laughs. "Of course you are. And you know what? The scary thing isn't asking him, the scary thing is that you could actually get things exactly the way you want them. The only thing in your way right now is yourself. Believe me, I've been there. Get over it, talk to him and be fucking happy with him. It's all going to work out."

"Maybe," Jared mumbles. 

He wants to say Jeff has never been wrong about the advice he's given Jared, which isn't true. He once told Jared he shouldn't let other kids bully him and Jared ended up getting suspended for punching someone. But Jeff is right more often than not. 

Which brings Jared back to square one.

 

*

 

Jared's hand is poised to knock when the door to Jensen's dorm swings open. 

"Jared." Richard's mouth twists into a frown as he glares up at Jared. "Jensen's not here."

"Oh." Jared glances at his watch and then back at Jensen's roommate. "His class ended at four."

"Guess he's late then. And I'm about to leave, so if you’ll excuse me," Richard says and makes a move to push past Jared, pulling the door close behind him.

Jared's hand shoots up and he flattens his palm against the door just as it's about to fall shut. 

It's taken him nearly a whole day to talk himself into confronting Jensen, following Jeff's advice. He's run over what he wants to say, how to say it, a million times, practicing in front of the mirror and getting ridiculed by Chad for it. He has to do this now. If he goes back to his dorm, he'll think of another hundred reasons why this is a bad idea and cop out. 

"I'm just gonna wait for him inside then," he says.

"I'm not letting strangers into my dorm all on their own. I'll come back and all my stuff will be gone," Richard argues.

Jared rolls his eyes. There's probably nothing inside he'd even want, at least not on Richard's side of the dorm and if he wanted Jensen's stuff he'd just have to ask. "I won't take any of your stuff. And if something went missing, you'd know it was me anyway. I'd be stupid to take anything."

Richard looks at him speculatively and then shrugs. "Fine. But I'll check my things when I get back."

"Yeah, whatever," Jared mumbles, and brushes past him. He pulls the door shut behind him and runs his hand through his hair nervously before sitting down on Jensen's bed.

Five minutes later, Jensen's still not there and getting worked up works just as well in Jensen's dorm as it would have in his own. Jared sighs to himself and reaches for the books lying on Jensen's nightstand. Shakespeare, Blake, Coetzee. Jared hasn't even heard of the last author, and the book probably only looks appealing to people like Jensen who are crazy enough to actually study English. He makes a face and puts the books back down, reaching for the folded paper next to them instead.

Jared isn't a snoop, and it's not like he's secretly going through his boyfriend's stuff. He's just in Jensen's dorm and he's bored. Which is why the second he realizes it's a letter, he wants to refold it and put it back down, but then his eyes take in the logo in the right corner and he stops. University of California, Los Angeles.

He doesn't really need to read the letter to know what it says, but he skims the first few lines anyway, feeling like an idiot. 

Jensen has talked about getting into grad school, Jared knows he's talked to some professor's about it but he just assumed Jensen wasn't sure what to take. A Masters in English doesn't exactly get you very far in life. Not once did Jensen mention that he wasn't sure about the _where_ either and it's never occurred to Jared that Jensen might go to grad school somewhere else. 

He's spent weeks worrying about where they stand, what Jensen feels, and all the while Jensen has been planning on leaving

Jared wipes at his eyes when his vision goes a little blurry and then carefully refolds the letter, putting it back where he found it. He stays on the bed for a few seconds, lingering, before getting up slowly.

It's not like he still needs to talk to Jensen, not anymore.

 

*

 

Jared turns his head into the pillow when his cells starts ringing and squeezes his eyes shut.

"It's Jensen," Chad says, sounding weary. "Again."

Jared shrugs. Jensen has called three times in the last hour, and each time Jared has let the phone go to voicemail. He's not ready to talk to Jensen, wouldn't know what to say.

"Jared. Just talk to him, man, work things out." The bed dips when Chad sits down next to Jared. "Come on."

Jared shifts onto his side and wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie. It's way too warm to wear one, especially lying under the covers, but Jared feels better being wrapped up in something. "Leave me alone, Chad," he grinds out. 

Chad sighs loudly. "I just hate seeing you like this."

"Like you were any less pathetic when Sophia broke up with you." Chad makes a pained face and Jared feels guilty immediately. Chad might have been an asshole, cheating on Sophia, but Jared of all people knows how much he's regretted it, how much he really does love Sophia. "Sorry," he mutters.

"You're right," Chad just says with a shrug, "I was pathetic. I was an idiot and I hurt Sophia and got what I deserved. But this is different. Jensen didn't break up with you."

"Because we were never together," Jared interrupts and plays with the fringe of his right sleeve. 

"Jay, maybe he just got the letter and was waiting for the right time to talk about it. And even if he studies somewhere else, that doesn't mean the relationship won't work. You guys could still see each other during your breaks and stuff."

Jared huffs out a laugh. "Right. I'm sure that's what he wants."

"Why not?" Chad asks and shrugs. 

"He never even told me he considered going away. He doesn't care." Jared's voice rises a little and he balls his hands into fists. 

Chad opens his mouth and then sighs when there's a loud knock on their door. 

"Jared?" Jensen's voice is muffled as he calls his name.

Shit. Jared takes a deep breath. "Don't open the door," he pleads and grabs Chad's wrist, holding him down. "Please."

The knocking continues. "Come on, if you're there, open the door. You're not answering your phone and I just… did something happen?"

Chad gives him a reproachful look, and Jared lets go of him. 

"I don't want to talk to him," he insists. "Make something up, I don't care, but please don't let him in."

"Okay, I get it." Chad sighs. "I'll tell him you're feeling sick and are sleeping."

Jared forces out a weak smile and nods. "Thanks," he mumbles and turns back onto his stomach, burying his face into the pillows. He listens as Chad opens the door and talks to Jensen in hushed voices, not able to make out what it is they're saying, but it's enough to hear the timbre of Jensen's voice to make his eyes burn with tears again.

Chad returns to his bed, sitting down at the edge of the mattress. "He's worried, man."

Jared doesn't reply, just sniffs softly.

"You can't avoid him forever. He's going to know something's wrong and corner you or make me talk, Jared. This is stupid."

"I'mma be okay," Jared starts, his voice mostly swallowed by the pillow and thick with tears. "I don't want him to know what an idiot I've been. I'll just pretend things are fine and he'll never know."

"Fine," Chad agrees. "Hey, want me to call Soph for you? She's better at this comforting shit."

Jared shakes his head. "'m fine. And you don't have to stay either."

"It’s okay," Chad says, sounding sincere and Jared reminds himself that Chad went through this just a couple of weeks ago himself. He scoots to the side and turns his head to face Chad.

"You can lay down, you know," he mumbles and Chad looks apprehensive before shrugging and flopping down next to him. The mattress bounces a little and the bed isn't really made for two people, but Jared cracks a soft smile.

Chad nudges him with his shoulder. "You'll be fine, Jay."

Jared nods. "You, too," he mumbles back, and Chad smiles. 

 

*

 

Jared avoids Jensen for three days. Chad keeps making excuses for him when Jensen calls or drops by and Jared holes himself up in the dorm. He begs out of meeting the others for dinner and studies instead.

On the fourth day Jared leaves his algebra class and finds Jensen waiting for him outside, leaning against the wall. His heart lurches and he curls his hands into fists, digging his nails into his palms. 

"Jay," Jensen calls and waves. 

Jared sighs, knowing there's no way to get around talking to Jensen. "Hi," he mutters and tries to look cheerful. 

Jensen looks a little unsure. "Hey. Haven't seen you in a while, huh?" he says in a light tone, but the concerned look on his face belies it. He leans up to kiss Jared, and Jared shifts away a little. Jensen's lips brush against the corner of his mouth, warm and soft, and Jared wants to lean in and really kiss him. He wishes he hadn't found the letter, so he could go on thinking Jensen would still be with him a few months from now, still be in Austin if nothing else.

"You okay?" Jensen asks.

Jared shrugs and gives him a weak smile. "Sure. I'm good."

"Chad said you were sick."

"Oh. I'm okay. It was just a cold or something. I slept it off," Jared quickly assures him. 

"I called. And I came by a couple of times, but Chad didn't let me in." There's a hint of hurt in Jensen's voice and Jared wants to cave, wants to say something to make Jensen smile.

"He was letting me sleep."

Jensen nods, but the worry on his face doesn't fade completely. "Well, as long as you're fine now," he says. "So, want to get lunch together?"

"Don't you have a class?"

"I'm skipping," Jensen says offhandedly, and Jared would buy the casual act if he didn't know that Jensen never skips his classes. "I'd rather have lunch with you today."

"Jensen," he starts and sighs. "I think I just want to go to my dorm and nap."

"Okay. I could come with you." Jensen sounds earnest, sounds as if he really wants to go with Jared, be with him.

Jared frowns and looks away. This is not going as planned. He was supposed to be hurt and miserable for a few days and then put on a convincing act for Jensen. But now that he's actually faced with him, he can't. It hurts too damn much, seeing Jensen and knowing he can't have this for much longer. "I'd rather be alone," he says.

Jensen makes a soft noise that's half frustration, half helplessness, his fingers wrapping around Jared's wrist. "Jared, what's wrong? Talk to me."

"Just go to your class, Jen." 

Jared doesn't wait for Jensen's reply, just adjusts the bag pack hanging off his right shoulder and leaves.

He ignores Jensen when he calls out his name.

 

*

 

"What the hell is going on with you, Jared?" Sophia asks and pushes past him into the room. She crosses her arms over her chest and looks at him expectantly, standing in the middle of his dorm.

Jared closes the door with a sigh. 

"Jensen is going out of his mind. He says you keep brushing him off and ignoring him and he doesn't know why. What are you doing?" Her voice is a little shrill and she looks ready to rip his head off. Jared's shoulders slump. He sits down on his desk chair, resting his elbows on his thighs. 

"Soph," he starts and gives her a pleading look.

"Jared, he thinks you're either breaking up with him, or that something horrible must have happened that's making you shut yourself off," she says, her voice going soft. She squats down in front of him and lays a hand on his arm. 

He shrugs. "It's complicated."

She snorts. "Isn't it always? Is this about you not being sure where you stand? Cause really, this is not the way to find out, sweetie."

"He's leaving," Jared says.

"Jensen? Why would he be leaving?"

"I found an acceptance letter in his dorm. He's going to LA for grad school."

"Oh," Sophia says. She sits down on the floor slowly and looks up to him with wide eyes. "But. He never told me."

"Yeah, me neither. So, I guess I don't have to wonder where we stand if he doesn't even tell me things like that," Jared mutters. 

"I can't believe he's doing that," she says softly, as if to herself, and rests her head on his knee. "When I started here, I met Jensen like, a week into the semester at some party and we've been friends ever since. I can't even imagine being here without him."

"Yeah," Jared agrees. 

Sophia rubs her hand over his leg, looking as heartbroken as Jared feels and he lays his hand onto the side of her head, playing with a strand of her hair absently. 

"I'm in love with him," he says softly. He's never said it before, even if he's known for months, and his friends all know, but he's never said it aloud to anyone. He bites down on the inside of his cheek and looks away from Sophia's pitying eyes.

"Oh, Jared," she whispers.

 

*

 

Jared is toweling his hair dry when someone knocks on his door. It's probably Sophia and Sandy, a little early for their movie night. He can't say he's looking forward to watching some heartbreaking romance, but Sophia insisted those are the only movies to watch in situations like his. He could cry his heart out and pretend it was all because of the movie. 

Jared pads over to the door and when he pulls it open, he finds Jensen standing there instead of Sophia and Sandy.

"Hi." He lets the towel fall around his shoulder and runs a hand through his hair. 

"Hey. Grab your shoes, I'm taking you somewhere," Jensen says and looks him up and down. Jared looks down at himself as well, even if he knows what he's wearing - track pants, a t-shirt, and no socks. Jensen has probably seen him look worse, but Jared winces inwardly anyway.

"I already have plans with the girls."

Jensen gives him a hard glare. "I just talked to Sophia, they know you're going somewhere with me already."

"You can't just cancel my plans," Jared argues and crosses his arms over his chest.

"Jared." Jensen's shoulders slump, the hard edges smoothing out. It leaves him looking tired, drawn and Jared feels a pang of guilt. "Please."

"Give me a minute," he says with a sigh and motions Jensen in. 

Jensen shakes his head. "Just grab a pair of socks and your sneakers. We're not going anywhere with a dress code."

"But I look-" Jared trails off and gestures at his hair.

Jensen gives him a small smile. "Jay, seriously. You look fine. Come one."

Jared sighs and goes back into his room. He pulls on socks and slides into his sneakers, Jensen watching him impatiently.

"Where are we going?" he asks when follows Jensen down the hallway. He rakes his fingers through his hair, trying to smooth it down as best as he can. 

Jensen just shrugs. 

Jared follows him to his car and buckles up, looking at Jensen as if that would give him any clues. Jensen switches on the radio and keeps his eyes on the road, driving silently. Trying to find a comfortable position, Jared slouches down in the seat and shifts until his legs aren't completely cramped. Jensen's car isn't made for people his size. 

The first minutes of his drive, Jared tries to figure out where they're going, his eyes glued on the street signs for clues. He gives up eventually. They're not driving to any of their usual places and Jensen is obviously not going to tell him where they're going. Or why for that matter.

He sighs loudly. "Jensen. Tell me where we're going?"

Jensen shakes his head. He reaches over and lays a hand on Jared's thigh. It's just a small touch, but Jared feels himself calm down a little. He's missed Jensen's touches, craved them, really, and for a moment it feels like the old times. They drive for a good twenty minutes, the music blaring from the speakers and it feels like an eternity to Jared. When Jensen does park, they're nowhere. There's nothing around them; Jensen just pulls off the road and turns off the ignition.

Jared looks around and gives Jensen a weak smile. "You're not going to kill me and drop off my body here, right?" 

Jensen's lips twitch into a smile and he unbuckles his seat-belt before turning sideways, looking at Jared. "I just wanted to be somewhere where we would be completely alone, no distractions."

"What for?" Jared asks, and mirrors Jensen's position. 

"To talk." Jensen reaches forward and brushes a strand of hair out of Jared's eyes. 

Jared worries his lower lip between his teeth and looks down at their knees. It's not exactly a _we need to talk_ , but it's pretty damn close. Jensen's going to tell him he's leaving, is going to end things between them. 

"Jared," Jensen sighs and gestures with his hand. "Come on. Talk to me."

"Me?" Jared asks, surprised and stares at Jensen. "I thought you wanted to talk?"

Jensen sighs and leans forward, cupping Jared's face. He kisses him gently, his lips dry against Jared's and Jared wants to lick over them, making the skin soft and smooth again the way it usually is. 

"You're acting all strange. I know you, Jay, I know there's been something on your mind and you've been avoiding talking to me about it. So what else am I supposed to think but that it's got something to do with me? Or that something happened that you can't talk to me about and that's really not any better." Jensen's voice is low, worried and he strokes a thumb over Jared's cheekbone in slow, even circles. "I asked Soph and she told me to talk to you about it. After she stopped hitting me and saying something about me being an asshole."

Jared sighs. 

"What happened to the guy who wouldn't shut up, huh?" Jensen asks. "Sophia also asked me if I planned to leave for grad school. Any idea why she did that?"

Jared takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. Sophia is a traitor. "Maybe," he admits and shrugs helplessly. "I... I didn't go through your stuff or anything, I swear. I was waiting for you in your room and I saw the letter accidentally."

"What? What letter?"

"From UCLA," Jared mutters. "I didn't even know you were considering going somewhere else for grad school. And I thought, maybe, that you'd talk to me about things like that. That you wouldn't just leave Austin and… me."

"Jared. I'm not going anywhere," Jensen replies, his voice low. He reaches out, touching Jared's arm, sliding his hand into Jared's. "I didn't know if I'd get accepted for the program in Austin, so I applied to grad schools all over just to be safe. The acceptance letter from UCLA was just one of several. And yeah, I'm sorry, you're right, I should have talked to you about it from the start."

"Why didn't you?"

Jensen shrugs. "I don't know, it never really came up when I sent off my applications, I guess. We were both busy with midterms and I was breaking up with Andrew. And the letters have only been trickling in lately. I wanted to wait until I knew if I got in here before I talked to you."

"So you're not leaving?" Jared asks, repeating Jensen's earlier words and he feels a spark of hope.

Jensen gives him a smile, shaking his head. "I got accepted in Austin. It's always been my first choice, the other colleges were just back up plans." 

"Oh." Jared gives Jensen a sheepish look. "Guess I jumped to conclusions. I just…I wasn't sure about us and how serious we are and then I found the letter and I guess I freaked out a little."

"And _you_ really freaked _me_ out. You should have just talked to me."

Jared sighs and smiles a little when Jensen squeezes his hand. "Yeah. So, about the other thing."

Jensen looks at him for an endless second before letting out a low chuckle. "First time I saw you, it was in front of our dormitory. I was with Mike and you were with a group of people, coming from a class, I guess; you were laughing and gesturing around and I nearly walked into a garbage can. Mike made fun of me for a week," he recounts. "I've liked you from the moment I met you. Hell, I broke up with Andrew because I had feelings for you. You're one of my best friends, Jared, and you're smart and funny and I've never been this attracted to anyone else. I wouldn't do this if I wasn't serious about you."

Jensen has feelings for him, he _wants_ this as much as Jared does. Jared smiles, ducking his head and looking down at their joined hands and feels all of the worry and apprehension of the last weeks fall away. He'd stopped thinking he'd ever get this, at least with Jensen, and it makes it all that much sweeter now. "I saw you for the first time in the hallway on my first day here," he admits, leaning his forehead against Jensen's. "I haven't been able to get you out of my head ever since."

Jensen cups his cheek with one hand and pulls him into a kiss, lingering for a moment. "I love you," he whispers against Jared's lips. "More than I ever have anyone else."

"Me, too." Jared's heart beats fast and in the silence of the car, he's sure even Jensen can hear it. He shifts in the seat a little, trying to get a better angle and kisses Jensen again. Harder, sloppier, Jensen's tongue sliding over his lips and teeth.

They're both a little breathless when they pull apart, Jensen's breathis hitting Jared's face in small puffs. Jensen reaches up and swipes his thump under Jared's right eye, smudging away wetness Jared didn't know was there.

"Jesus, you had me worried for weeks, Jay. Do you know that? Mike and Tom thought I was just panicking, but Sophia and Sandy wouldn't talk to me about it and Chad just looked at me with this pitying look. _Chad_ pitied _me_."

"Sorry," Jared says in a soft voice, but he can't keep the wide grin of his face. He wraps his arms around Jensen, hugging him awkwardly in the tide space of the car and Jensen slides his own arms around Jared's waist and presses a wet kiss against Jared's neck.

"We've both made mistakes," Jensen concedes and pulls away. He runs a hand through Jared's hair, lightly tugging at a few strands.

"Yeah. Well, you learn from mistakes. We'll know better from now on."


	5. Epilogue

Jared waves at two girls who are in a couple of his classes as they come down the hall and they wave back, smiling widely. There's a slight spring in his step, and he's smiling to himself, feeling lighter than he has in weeks. 

"Have a good summer, Jared," someone calls out.

"You, too," he says and grins over his shoulder as he opens the door to his dorm. "See you next fall."

"Huh?" Chad says and looks up from where he's stuffing clothes into an overflowing suitcase.

"Not you," Jared grins and bumps into Chad. 

On his side of the room everything's already neatly packed, duffle bags ready for him to go home. A clean shirt and underwear laid out for the next morning, a book and his iPod lying on the desk. He sighs softly, feeling suddenly a little nostalgic. He's glad the semester is over, studying and papers and annoying professors something he won't have to think about for the next few months. 

He looks back at Chad, who's trying to press everything into the suitcase, looking frustrated.

"Man, you're never gonna get that thing closed," Jared tells him, laughing.

"Shut up, Padalecki," Chad snaps before groaning. "Help me."

Jared steps over his backpack, one of Chad's bags, and a sweater he's sure belongs to Jensen. "You need another duffle or something, man," he says and kneels down next to Chad. 

"Don't say that," Chad whines. "I already have way too much luggage. We need to make it fit."

"How?"

Chad shrugs. "You could sit on it?" he suggests.

Jared sighs loudly, but helps Chad stuff things over the rim of the suitcase before he closes it and sits on top of it. He feels the whole thing sink a couple of inches under his added weight. "I hope you don't have anything breakable in there, man," he mutters.

Chad cocks his head to the side. "Don't think so." He shrugs carelessly and tugs at the zipper. It takes some force and fiddling, but they get the suitcase closed and Chad groans, flopping onto the floor.

"Done," he exclaims, and throws his hands up in victory. Jared laughs and joins him on the floor.

They both stare at the ceiling for a few moments, muffled noises of students talking animatedly with each other drift in from the hallway. 

"That stain there," Chad points up, "looks like a vampire, doesn't it?"

Jared squints. "I have one over my bed that looks like a dog," he says and turns his head, facing Chad. Chad looks at him and they burst out laughing.

"Man, I'll miss this," Chad admits when they've calmed down, and he sounds a little maudlin.

Jared frowns. "Yeah. It's just for the summer, though. We'll be back here before you know it and you'll get sick of me."

Chad bumps his ankle against Jared's and makes a noncommittal noise. "You better call me sometimes, asshole."

Jared grins. "Every day," he says in a falsetto voice and bats his eyelashes at Chad. He knows they probably will talk to each other every day though, or at least write each other thousands of meaningless emails. Chad's the kind of person who calls his friends up for no reason, no matter what hour, just to tell them ridiculous things they never wanted to know. In a way, Jared things, it makes him kind of endearing. Sometimes, at least.

"You gonna see Soph over the summer?" he asks and sits up. He stretches his arms over his head, hears his back crack satisfyingly.

"I might. Dunno." Chad gets up, holds out a hand, and hauls Jared to his feet. "We've talked about it, but we haven't made any definite plans. We're trying to take things slow, remember?"

Jared snorts, but doesn't comment. They've been going on _tentative dates_ , as Sophia calls them, for a couple of weeks now. She keeps insisting it's not serious yet, it's just a trial basis, but Jared just rolls his eyes whenever she says that. If Chad doesn't find a way to fuck things up again, they seem to be slowly making their way back to being the happy couple he became accustomed to. Sophia's really just in denial about it and somehow managed to drag Chad into denial as well. 

"We should go," he says and checks his back pocket for his wallet. "The others are meeting us at Allegria's."

"One last dinner together," Chad sighs dramatically and throws his arm around Jared as they leave the room. "I've never before felt depressed about having holidays. The fact that I'm depressed depresses me."

Jared laughs, pushes him away. "Whatever, dude," he mutters and when Chad lets out another suffering sigh he pulls him into a noogie.

 

*

 

"Jared! Chad!" Sophia calls out and waves them over. Allegria's is packed, most tables occupied by groups of students and the others have grabbed a table at the very back.

Chad goes to sit next to Sophia, the two of them giving each other looks like they're not sure how to greet each other and finally Sophia settles for pressing a kiss to Chad's cheek. 

Jared grins to himself and takes the chair next to Jensen. "Hi," Jensen murmurs and leans in to kiss him. He tastes like garlic bread and Jared angles his head to deepen the kiss, licking the taste of spices and garlic and olive oil off Jensen's lips. 

"Get a room, boys."

Jared pulls away, a little flushed and Jensen gives Chris the finger. 

"Aww, Steve, look," Chris coos. "Jenny is protecting his boy. How cute."

Steve just chuckles and shakes his head at them before going back to talking to Sandy. 

Jared grabs Jensen's coke and empties the glass, deciding to ignore Chris, before leaning slightly against Jensen, their arms brushing together. "Where are Mike and Tom?"

Both Chris and Jensen chuckle. "On a date," Jensen says with a smirk.

"No way." Jared looks at them with wide eyes. "Really? Why am I never informed about things when it comes to Tom and Mike?"

Jensen shrugs. "This one seems to be a spur of the moment thing. Three hours ago there was no talk of a date yet and then Mike called me out of the blue."

Jared nods and grabs the menu, skimming it even if he knows it by heart by now. "A real, honest to god date?"

"Yeah," Jensen agrees. "A real, honest to god date. I think the two finally started to see what's right in front of them."

Jared shoots him a smile. "Hmm, I thought the whole thing was working so well for them?" 

Jensen opens his mouth to answer, but is interrupted by their waiter clearing his throat, appearing behind them.

"Are you ready to order?"

"Two more cokes," Jensen says and hands the guy his empty glass.

"Three," Chad chimes in and the waiter nods. They order their pizzas, too, and Jared adds a salad to his order.

"I'm a growing boy," he claims and sees Jensen smirk out of the corner of his eye. He swats Jensen's chest and Jensen traps his hand against it, intertwining their fingers. 

"Jesus, would you two stop already?" Chad complains. "It's a little sickening."

"Or a lot," Chris chimes in. "Now, on to important things instead. Who's coming to Lightning later?"

"You guys playing tonight?" Jared asks, giving them a hopeful smile and grins widely when Steve nods.

"Jensen already said you two'd come," he says, and Jared nods eagerly.

"Definitely," he agrees.

"I'm in," Sandy adds and wiggles her eyebrows. "One more night out before it's back to my parents."

"You're going to see that boyfriend of yours though, you gotta be looking forward to that," Jared teases her and squeezes Jensen's hand still holding his. Jensen's fingers are slightly callused from playing guitar, warm and rough under Jared's. Familiar. He smiles contentedly.

Sandy shrugs. "Sure. I guess." She doesn't sound too excited. 

Not as excited as Jared knows he would be if he was about to see Jensen again after being separated for a while. The longest he's been away from Jensen has been Christmas break, and even that was different. He's never been away from Jensen _his boyfriend_ , and he knows it's going to suck in ways he can't even imagine yet. He sighs softly and feels Jensen tilt his head, his nose brushing against Jared's jaw as he leans closer. 

"You okay?" Jensen asks softly.

Jared turns his head and presses his lips to Jensen's, lingering for a moment. "Fine," he mumbles just the waiter bringing their cokes interrupts them, stopping anything else he was about to say.

Sophia holds her own half full glass up when the waiter leaves. "To the end of the semester," she toasts.

"And a great summer," Jared chimes in and they all raise their glasses, smiling at each other. 

He feels a weird mix of excitement and nostalgia, happy about the break but not wanting to leave this. It doesn't make it easier knowing things are going to be different when he comes back next year. Jensen and Tom will be in the graduate program, but Mike decided against continuing his studies, getting a job instead, and all three of them will live off campus. Chris and Steve are going on a small club tour during the summer and won't be back until a few weeks into the next semester. Jared can't imagine what it will be like to not have all of them around him all the time, to not be able to walk down the hall and be with Jensen.

 

*

 

Jared takes the first sip of the beer Jensen bought him and slouches a little lower in the booth, fitting himself against Jensen. Jensen tightens the arm he has around Jared's shoulders and kisses the corner of his mouth. They're alone in the booth, the others scattered around the room. Sandy is sitting at the bar, flirting with a guy who offered her a drink. Jared reminds himself to keep a close eye on them, just in case. 

Sophia and Chad are playing pool. They both suck, but it seems like a good excuse for them to brush up against each other and flirt shamelessly.

Steve and Chris are getting ready for their gig, having one last drink next to the stage. They tried talking Jensen into joining them but Jensen just shook his head and told them he was staying with Jared tonight.

"Tired?" Jensen asks and Jared shrugs lazily, relaxing against him.

"A little. The week was tough," he replies.

Jensen hums under his breath, and Jared feels the sound more than he hears it. "Well, that's over and done with now. How's it feel? First year of college done?"

Jared chuckles and tilts his head to look at Jensen. "Good. It's been a hell of year."

"Yeah," Jensen agrees and brushes their lips together. They kiss slowly, Jared tasting the strong tang of tequila and salt on Jensen's lips from the shots he did with Chris and Steve just a few minuets ago. Jared presses closer, slides his tongue over Jensen's lips and pries them apart. He moans softly when Jensen parts his lips and lets him slide in. 

"Hmm," he hums happily when they pull apart and licks his lips. Jensen grins and pulls him closer, pressing a last short kiss to Jared's lips.

They remain silent for a while, huddled in the booth. Jared watches the people around the bar, mostly older students standing in groups, drinking and laughing. Everyone looks more carefree now, with the semester being over and the summer ahead of them and everybody Jared's met in the last days is suddenly full of plans for the next months. Jared's plan is to sleep as much as he can, eat even more and hang out with his friends back home. Most likely though, he thinks, he'll just end up moping and missing Austin.

Jensen is playing with his hair, Jared feeling the occasional gentle tug. His eyes slide close slowly and he rests a hand on Jensen's thigh.

"I still can't believe Mike and Tom are out on a date," he mutters eventually. 

Jensen laughs softly. "Let's hope their date goes better than our first date," he teases and Jared laughs. 

"That sucked so bad." 

Jensen smirks. "It really did," he agrees and pulls Jared into another kiss. "It just wasn't for us."

"Well, I hope it is for Mike and Tom, then. Took them long enough to go out after all."

Jensen nods and grabs his beer from the table. "They'll be fine. Tom's the only person alive who can handle Mike's craziness, so for Mike's sake I gotta believe they'll actually work things out."

Jared snorts and settles back against Jensen. "So, hey. I was thinking. About the break."

Jensen makes a soft noise. "It's gonna be awesome, a whole summer to sleep."

"Are we gonna see each other over break?" Jared asks and kisses Jensen's neck. The lingering taste of salty sweat sticks to his lips and he swipes his tongue over the skin. Jensen makes a disgusted noise and swats his head. Jared only chuckles and stays where he is.

"Don't think you'll get rid of me for the whole summer, Padalecki," Jensen replies.

"Good. Cause I was thinking you could stay with me for a while. My momma keeps asking, and she's going to kill me if I don't bring you home soon," Jared tells him. She's been on his case for months after all and only let up when finals started rolling around. He knows she won't accept another excuse now that those are done.

"Yeah," Jensen says and slouches down to kiss him. "I could do that."

"Awesome," Jared grins and pulls him into another, deeper kiss. 

"It's going to be a good test," Jensen says when they pull away.

Jared sits up a little straighter and puts his beer down onto the table. He looks at Jensen, raising his eyebrows. "Test for what?"

Jensen smirks, pleased and teasing and Jared feels his stomach drop in a completely good way. "Sharing an apartment next fall with me, Tom and Mike."

Jared opens his mouth and then snaps it shut again. "Really?" he asks finally, his voice embarrassingly high. "You mean that?"

Jensen nods. _Sharing an apartment_ , Jared repeats in his head. With Jensen. Having Jensen around him all the time, going to sleep with his body pressed to Jensen's and waking up next to him. No more having to walk down the hallway to hang out, no more having to make sure there's no roommate there when they want privacy.

Jared groans. "Fuck, Chad. Man, I can't do that to Chad, can I?"

"I already asked him. We got his blessing, Jay. So, what do you say?" Jensen asks, looking at him inquiringly.

Behind them, Chris starts singing and Steve plays the first few accords on his guitar. Jared hadn't even heard the usual introduction Chris does, too wrapped up in Jensen and roommates and _yespleaseyes_. A familiar melody's drifting through the bar and Jared recognizes the song Jensen sang with them the first time he brought Jared here. 

Jared leans in, smiling and pressing his lips to Jensen's. "Yes," he mumbles into the kiss. He can feel Jensen's own lips stretch into a smile against his. 

_Fucking yes_ , he thinks.

 

**the end**

**Author's Note:**

> the title of the fic was taken from Robert Frost's poem "The Earthward"


End file.
